It’s so odd to me to think of genders, but non-bianry people makes a lot of sense to me. I don’t see the need to constantly go through out my day worrying that my appearance or behavior doesn’t align with some stereotype, and he/she/they are just words to me. Both trans and cis feel the need to constantly reaffirm their gender. Like a deep insecurity that they won’t be treated they way they’d like, but I really don’t think alpha males or whatever will grant you what you want. The real change is choosing to be who you want, not the label itself.
I wouldn’t generalize trans (or cis) people like that. I’m trans, but feel no pressure to conform, I chose to be the unique person that I am. That person happens to dress and look feminine, and enjoy some things that are stereotypically feminine. She also enjoys plenty of things that are very much the opposite. I am absolutely choosing to be who I am and who I want to be, and that person happens to align with many cultural norms. Every other trans person I know is similar. I’ve run into people saying things similar to your comment, with varied levels of severity, all relying on the same essential misunderstanding.
Some people whose gender doesn’t align to any societal stereotype seem to believe that this is because of some enlightenment they have found, and that anyone that conforms to those gender norms must be insecure or brainwashed. What they fail to realise is that their gender just happens to not conform, and that for many people their truest self just does align with the societal norms to some degree. Those norms did not arise from a vacuum. To a large degree, they’re “just” a social construct, but social constructs reflect an average of the realities that society experiences, shaped through a lens of social pressure, class, culture, and other filters.
I highly recommend you read “Who’s Afraid of Gender” by Judith Butler. It’s a great look at what gender really means, why people present the way they do, and what “performative gender” really means. All gender is performative, fundamentally. This is not to say that it’s obsolete or inferior, but simply the nature of gender itself.
You sound like you may be apagender. Same. It pisses me off to no end that society has such rigid gender expectations in the first place. Let people express who they are and stop demonizing them, damn it!
Apagender is a new one for me. I was eyeing agender, but I don’t quite “feel seriously enough” about it. I thought of it as “eh-gender” before. I’m socialised male and comfortable being addressed as such, but I attach no value to masculinity. I’m a human, can we get on with more interesting parts of me?
One time, I was referred to as “young lady” on account of long hair (and on a spindly teenager, my physical sex wasn’t obvious at a glance). They were quick to correct themselves and apologetic, but it didn’t bother me the way I get the impression from strongly cis" people, nor elicit the kind of gender euphoria I read about in trans spaces. I was more irritated about the correction and apology wasting time when my train was about to arrive.
You actually sound like me. Long hair, condstantly mistaken for a girl growing up, “eh-gendered”. I am straight, but us sexual preference really what makes me who I am? I definitely like the term and am stealing it.
On the opposite side you have grammatically gendered languages where even inanimate objects are a she or a he and it’s nearly impossible to escape being called one or the other without nothing beyond the binary.
It’s so odd to me to think of genders, but non-bianry people makes a lot of sense to me. I don’t see the need to constantly go through out my day worrying that my appearance or behavior doesn’t align with some stereotype, and he/she/they are just words to me. Both trans and cis feel the need to constantly reaffirm their gender. Like a deep insecurity that they won’t be treated they way they’d like, but I really don’t think alpha males or whatever will grant you what you want. The real change is choosing to be who you want, not the label itself.
I wouldn’t generalize trans (or cis) people like that. I’m trans, but feel no pressure to conform, I chose to be the unique person that I am. That person happens to dress and look feminine, and enjoy some things that are stereotypically feminine. She also enjoys plenty of things that are very much the opposite. I am absolutely choosing to be who I am and who I want to be, and that person happens to align with many cultural norms. Every other trans person I know is similar. I’ve run into people saying things similar to your comment, with varied levels of severity, all relying on the same essential misunderstanding.
Some people whose gender doesn’t align to any societal stereotype seem to believe that this is because of some enlightenment they have found, and that anyone that conforms to those gender norms must be insecure or brainwashed. What they fail to realise is that their gender just happens to not conform, and that for many people their truest self just does align with the societal norms to some degree. Those norms did not arise from a vacuum. To a large degree, they’re “just” a social construct, but social constructs reflect an average of the realities that society experiences, shaped through a lens of social pressure, class, culture, and other filters.
I highly recommend you read “Who’s Afraid of Gender” by Judith Butler. It’s a great look at what gender really means, why people present the way they do, and what “performative gender” really means. All gender is performative, fundamentally. This is not to say that it’s obsolete or inferior, but simply the nature of gender itself.
I can’t say I’m gender apathetic bc I’m averse to my agab, but sometimes I have thoughts of gender abolitionism.
Edit: This reply was for the comment below. Excuse my sausage fingers.
You sound like you may be apagender. Same. It pisses me off to no end that society has such rigid gender expectations in the first place. Let people express who they are and stop demonizing them, damn it!
Apagender is a new one for me. I was eyeing agender, but I don’t quite “feel seriously enough” about it. I thought of it as “eh-gender” before. I’m socialised male and comfortable being addressed as such, but I attach no value to masculinity. I’m a human, can we get on with more interesting parts of me?
One time, I was referred to as “young lady” on account of long hair (and on a spindly teenager, my physical sex wasn’t obvious at a glance). They were quick to correct themselves and apologetic, but it didn’t bother me the way I get the impression from strongly cis" people, nor elicit the kind of gender euphoria I read about in trans spaces. I was more irritated about the correction and apology wasting time when my train was about to arrive.
Apathy is probably the best description.
I still like eh-gender though.
You actually sound like me. Long hair, condstantly mistaken for a girl growing up, “eh-gendered”. I am straight, but us sexual preference really what makes me who I am? I definitely like the term and am stealing it.
On that topic a lot of languages don’t even have gendered pronouns. In Turkish he/she/it is just “o” as example.
It makes sense too. Imagine how weird it would be to have “heightened pronouns” after how tall you are or “colored pronouns” after your skin color.
It’s just not necessary.
On the opposite side you have grammatically gendered languages where even inanimate objects are a she or a he and it’s nearly impossible to escape being called one or the other without nothing beyond the binary.
In polish, you have three genders (masculine, feminine and neuter) but most people don’t use neuter for people because it sounds wrong and rude
Also most objects are still masculine or feminine instead of neuter