So as some of you probably seen, I finally started HRT and I am absolutely loving it. I am doing some higher doses for the beginning to get my levels up fast (5mg every 3 days for 3 injections and then 5mg every 7 days) and I am starting to feel the first emotional changes happening. I am feeling my inner girl without drugs for the first time in my life. I have never experienced this level of joy and happiness before. The level of Euphoria just looking at my beautiful nails gives me is insane. Im also currently at the edge of crying just from listening to some music. It feels absolutely fantastic. I did knew roughly what HRT would bring me emotionally, but not even in my wildest dreams could I have Imagined this level of Euphoria and happiness. Theres no realy way to put this into words without repeating myself a million times.
Anyway, I wish all of you girlies a wonderfull day and for all of my sisters out there struggling with dysphoria and waiting for HRT: Stay strong, it gets better 💖🫂
Interesting, for me the changes were slightly different. Started growing out hair about 5 months before starting E.
Day 1 - mostly intense mental happiness, intense feeling of relief. (Still get a little of that everytime I take E). Felt a bit of pressure as if something clenched my arm. After switching arms a few times after this day, and then returning to the same arm, it felt normal.
1 week - felt generally calmer, a bit more happy. As if a veil of mental grayness was gradually lifted, in favour of one of colour and brightness.
2 weeks - skin softened pretty quickly.
1 month - energy levels more stable as well.
2 months - nipple soreness, started growing fat there a little.
3-5 months: very gradual change, hairs started being less overt, boob growth started and is pretty slow. Voice felt a little easier to keep high. Hip pain (I should technically be too old to experience pelvic widening, but that I got this, gives me hope, yay).
6 months - I felt like I looked more (especially facially) feminine there than now somehow. But that might be me. Still only look at gals, but felt less of a disdain for guys. Starting to get addressed by the right pronouns occassionally.
7-8 months - face now starting to feminise much more. Fat is higher up the face. Started bumping into doors much easier. The gravity change of your fat distribution hits really - on your walk style as well, and I didn’t adapt immediately to that.
8 months - here be where I am
I loved reading that. Thank you! I totally get the walking into doors stuff that happened pretty much immediately for me. Our experiences are highly similar.
Tbf I planned on writing in a diary for my transition to look back on, but I forgot to do so. Did write many online notes though, so I’ll compile them together.
The boob and hip growth is the most frustrating imo, it’s soo slow… but oh well. Going from 75B to 80C, I ain’t complaining.
I have no idea what mine is, but Im a bit scared of boobs because I’m trying to pass as both. I’m a bit older and have a job and stuff, but I have been making moves to set me up for the future in case things go south.
Honestly the longer you take them the more affect you will see in everyway, so if something about the transition bothers you, just know that in a year it will be better.
My favorite and unexpected thing by far have been the changes to my mind. I never really considered it. It feels like a huge upgrade from the guy hormones. I feel so calm. I love it.
To me hrt was like DMT a bit as in, you really don’t realize what you are getting into until the moment you do it and it hits you. I realized that where drugs target a neurotransmitter system, this hormone was affecting not only every part of my body but also the epigenetic expression of probably nearly every protein in my body.
I kind of was a bit confused about the how trans am I really? thing… I felt like an imposter a bit. I knew it wasn’t a fetish because I have always felt like a girl on the inside but when I started it I realized that I really was a woman. On a deep biological level. Not just in my personality and my style preferences, and in the people I admired, and the way I acted without a filter, but like the deep alignment i felt the day I put estrogen in my body. I realized quickly that I wasn’t faking it. That I really was a woman because for the first time in my life I felt and acted normal. My brain just worked. My energy was stable, as my emotions were as well. I felt good. Complacent. Beautiful.
Idk I’m glad you found yourself. I hope I can make friends in the future in my local area. I’m basically reliving entire phases of my life rn trying to just be myself and be normal like I never could do earlier. I’m glad there are millions of trans people now. People used to misunderstand us more but I think the future will be positive, and this time when the anti gay angle does I don’t think it will come back again.
Another cool thought. People think we are weird but I actually think we are the normal ones. I think we are normal humans. I think humans are just fluid and andro typically and are like geysers of pure creativity and form and individual art. I think humans are supposed to not care about their gender and gender was never really meant to be anything other than different sexual organs and personality and stuff. Guys were always meant to be cute and girls were meant to just be less intense versions of cute guys. Idk tho.
I hear ya, I had the same fears and wanted to make the transition as smooth as possible.
You’ll never know how fast and how your body will change on transition. The best indicators are your siblings and parents, after that niblings, auncles and first cousins.
What I did was start in spring (mostly coincidence, but a good one). That helped because by the time the changes would be more visible, fall was at the door, and so I could hide it with thicker clothes. Dressing in boring neutral fashion also helps.
But otherwise, a binder/sports bra might a possibility. They flatten it a bit. Vice versa I wore shape forms at home, initially, that helped me a lot during dysphoric attacks.
And very true, it’ll be better in a while. I feel like that if someone has a doubt of their gender, they should be open and free to explore it (mind the egg prime directive though!).
To those not sure whether to go on HRT or not – the mental effects come first, physical after. Up to about 3 months it’s generally reversible either way, so after that period should be a good indicator for what someone feels they want, whether to continue or not, it’s all valid.
The calming effect is such a big thing! Previously I’d feel distracted by the sex drive a ton, but now that’s much less the case. It’s as if instead of my body parts thinking for me, I’m deciding that for them. Back in control!
I’ve never had DMT. Weed though… I think aside from the strange laughter if it’s too strong, it’s likewise more relaxing, but that’s on me, I guess.
I had that impostor thing too. I think it would be less the case if less people were still held back in old mindsets, and more of the mindset of “Do whatever you like, slay. Why should I care if it doesn’t harm anybody, when it makes you happy?” I felt liberated from it once I realised I shouldn’t look at stereotypically feminine outfits, and more at how cis women generally dress - just like me. Getting on E helped too, though.
I’m not sure whether the near future will be as open, but I am certain that as Sappho put it, “even in another time”, we will have our liberation. And to heck - I am going to live my best life and so will you. We should see the general queer community as our friends and vice versa :)
I like your idea about us being normal, ha. But when nobody is normal, everyone is. Screw labels, blåhaj hugging forever.
Yes. You seem really cool. Idk why I put the DMT reference in there. I don’t do drugs or anything and never really have outside of weed.
I know it’s what I want to do. Not just because I want to do it, but because I already am and always was a lady. Of course I am because why would anyone want to be the other gender if they weren’t already? Either way, to heck with gender! Humans have really not done well in history. I know much of that was sort of necessary in some ways, but human history is a history of exploitation and terrorism and brainwashing. Even if I die in my transition I will die happy and unafraid. Even if most people don’t understand me, they don’t understand me anyways but, at least now I understand myself. When I admired I was trans 4 years ago. I have found a deep happiness from it that hasn’t went away since then.
I hope your dreams come true and the world is kind to you…
That’s amazing to read those transformation. I’m a cis male, but I’m curious about the experience of being a woman. Reading these stories reveal the difference of experience. Incredible that the hormones have so much power on our body and mind!
Do you think that the happiness and overall fell good and relief is from the molecule or from the gender dysphoria resolving?
Very happy to read your positive experiences and wish all of you girl the best!
The initial happiness (first two weeks) is mainly from euphoria - knowing it’ll improve from now on, is a huge thing.
I think for a cis guy a slightly stereotypic parallel might be if you felt somewhat blue during your teen life that you can’t quite grow a real moustache yet. Or not looking like one of those muscular guys. But knowing you eventually can likely grow the moustache/muscles - that gives you happiness as something to look forward to.
And for a cis gal, it might be the mental dissatisfaction with one’s own body when on period (not to confuse with the physical period symptoms). I feel that that might be a similar thing to dysphoria, though of a more temporary nature.
But, the thing is that for us trans people, this dysphoria/euphoria feels significantly stronger. That’s often because all the time that we didn’t realise or were unable to transition, the body development and expression feels like going the wrong way. Like an everyday “ugh” feeling, not quite happy. And so - to give a crude example - when we finally get that sweet hormone, it’s like the mental trance relief you feel from finally being able to pee after a long movie.
After those initial weeks, the euphoria mostly strengthened as just a general feeling of being able to feel like your happiness isn’t faked - more genuine.
Some take HRT (hormone replacement therapy, ie. getting onto estrogen/testosterone), others don’t. Some don’t have surgery and others don’t change literal clothes but others do. Any of that is fine. What makes someone transgender isn’t per se the dysphoria - it is the euphoria of expressing yourself as the different gender than the one assigned at birth. If you feel you’d be happier as another gender, then that would be it. The important thing is feeling happy and comfortable in your body. Whether that’s already the case or not yet. And I very much do feel so now!
But yeah, it varies. I think the feeling of euphoria vs dysphoria I described is more or less similar to what others have.
Oh and, thank you! Yeah, the hormones have a massive influence on your body. Non-queer guys and gals often think it only tweaks a little here and there, but they do so much more.
You having thicker hair? More strength, oily skin and grip? All testosterone, baby.
Softer skin? Boobs and hips, butt, rounder face? Harder to grasp jars? Period?[1] Estrogen.
[1] they’re basically like stomach nausea but feel to be down around where your pee bladder is. And also sometimes like a hand is grasping the area tighter (without feeling like you need to go). This is because periods affect not just the uterus, but also the area a little around. I myself sadly don’t have a uterus, though I do wish one even if that meant I’d bleed.