So as some of you probably seen, I finally started HRT and I am absolutely loving it. I am doing some higher doses for the beginning to get my levels up fast (5mg every 3 days for 3 injections and then 5mg every 7 days) and I am starting to feel the first emotional changes happening. I am feeling my inner girl without drugs for the first time in my life. I have never experienced this level of joy and happiness before. The level of Euphoria just looking at my beautiful nails gives me is insane. Im also currently at the edge of crying just from listening to some music. It feels absolutely fantastic. I did knew roughly what HRT would bring me emotionally, but not even in my wildest dreams could I have Imagined this level of Euphoria and happiness. Theres no realy way to put this into words without repeating myself a million times.
Anyway, I wish all of you girlies a wonderfull day and for all of my sisters out there struggling with dysphoria and waiting for HRT: Stay strong, it gets better 💖🫂
I loved reading that. Thank you! I totally get the walking into doors stuff that happened pretty much immediately for me. Our experiences are highly similar.
Tbf I planned on writing in a diary for my transition to look back on, but I forgot to do so. Did write many online notes though, so I’ll compile them together.
The boob and hip growth is the most frustrating imo, it’s soo slow… but oh well. Going from 75B to 80C, I ain’t complaining.
I have no idea what mine is, but Im a bit scared of boobs because I’m trying to pass as both. I’m a bit older and have a job and stuff, but I have been making moves to set me up for the future in case things go south.
Honestly the longer you take them the more affect you will see in everyway, so if something about the transition bothers you, just know that in a year it will be better.
My favorite and unexpected thing by far have been the changes to my mind. I never really considered it. It feels like a huge upgrade from the guy hormones. I feel so calm. I love it.
To me hrt was like DMT a bit as in, you really don’t realize what you are getting into until the moment you do it and it hits you. I realized that where drugs target a neurotransmitter system, this hormone was affecting not only every part of my body but also the epigenetic expression of probably nearly every protein in my body.
I kind of was a bit confused about the how trans am I really? thing… I felt like an imposter a bit. I knew it wasn’t a fetish because I have always felt like a girl on the inside but when I started it I realized that I really was a woman. On a deep biological level. Not just in my personality and my style preferences, and in the people I admired, and the way I acted without a filter, but like the deep alignment i felt the day I put estrogen in my body. I realized quickly that I wasn’t faking it. That I really was a woman because for the first time in my life I felt and acted normal. My brain just worked. My energy was stable, as my emotions were as well. I felt good. Complacent. Beautiful.
Idk I’m glad you found yourself. I hope I can make friends in the future in my local area. I’m basically reliving entire phases of my life rn trying to just be myself and be normal like I never could do earlier. I’m glad there are millions of trans people now. People used to misunderstand us more but I think the future will be positive, and this time when the anti gay angle does I don’t think it will come back again.
Another cool thought. People think we are weird but I actually think we are the normal ones. I think we are normal humans. I think humans are just fluid and andro typically and are like geysers of pure creativity and form and individual art. I think humans are supposed to not care about their gender and gender was never really meant to be anything other than different sexual organs and personality and stuff. Guys were always meant to be cute and girls were meant to just be less intense versions of cute guys. Idk tho.
I hear ya, I had the same fears and wanted to make the transition as smooth as possible.
You’ll never know how fast and how your body will change on transition. The best indicators are your siblings and parents, after that niblings, auncles and first cousins.
What I did was start in spring (mostly coincidence, but a good one). That helped because by the time the changes would be more visible, fall was at the door, and so I could hide it with thicker clothes. Dressing in boring neutral fashion also helps.
But otherwise, a binder/sports bra might a possibility. They flatten it a bit. Vice versa I wore shape forms at home, initially, that helped me a lot during dysphoric attacks.
And very true, it’ll be better in a while. I feel like that if someone has a doubt of their gender, they should be open and free to explore it (mind the egg prime directive though!).
To those not sure whether to go on HRT or not – the mental effects come first, physical after. Up to about 3 months it’s generally reversible either way, so after that period should be a good indicator for what someone feels they want, whether to continue or not, it’s all valid.
The calming effect is such a big thing! Previously I’d feel distracted by the sex drive a ton, but now that’s much less the case. It’s as if instead of my body parts thinking for me, I’m deciding that for them. Back in control!
I’ve never had DMT. Weed though… I think aside from the strange laughter if it’s too strong, it’s likewise more relaxing, but that’s on me, I guess.
I had that impostor thing too. I think it would be less the case if less people were still held back in old mindsets, and more of the mindset of “Do whatever you like, slay. Why should I care if it doesn’t harm anybody, when it makes you happy?” I felt liberated from it once I realised I shouldn’t look at stereotypically feminine outfits, and more at how cis women generally dress - just like me. Getting on E helped too, though.
I’m not sure whether the near future will be as open, but I am certain that as Sappho put it, “even in another time”, we will have our liberation. And to heck - I am going to live my best life and so will you. We should see the general queer community as our friends and vice versa :)
I like your idea about us being normal, ha. But when nobody is normal, everyone is. Screw labels, blåhaj hugging forever.
Yes. You seem really cool. Idk why I put the DMT reference in there. I don’t do drugs or anything and never really have outside of weed.
I know it’s what I want to do. Not just because I want to do it, but because I already am and always was a lady. Of course I am because why would anyone want to be the other gender if they weren’t already? Either way, to heck with gender! Humans have really not done well in history. I know much of that was sort of necessary in some ways, but human history is a history of exploitation and terrorism and brainwashing. Even if I die in my transition I will die happy and unafraid. Even if most people don’t understand me, they don’t understand me anyways but, at least now I understand myself. When I admired I was trans 4 years ago. I have found a deep happiness from it that hasn’t went away since then.
I hope your dreams come true and the world is kind to you…