Being stuck in a room with other people is like having your spirit bound too tightly to your body, and it can’t flow about the room properly.

This post is for casual conversation if you don’t feel like making a post of your own.

  • buffing_lecturer@leminal.space
    2·
    6 days ago

    Like it’s vibrating around inside. Bouncing within the bounds of my body. I feel like I am coiling up inside myself.

    I get tense when I suppress stims, I get tense when I feel perceived, I freeze to not be perceived (so I suppress stims). It can lead to me being totally frozen.

    Add in extra stimulation (i.e. if those people are talking, making noises, moving, etc) then I tense up and try to push away the world even more. Making that feeing of being tense/energized even stronger and subsequently working to freeze myself more (thus trapped to my body).

    Maybe I am feeling overwhelmed about needing to do something stupid easy (like eat, or send an email) at the same time. So I’ll beat myself up about that while simultaneously keeping myself from being weird (i.e. letting myself release the energy), while trying to shut out other noises/lights/whatever, while worrying about how I’m being perceived/what I’m doing wrong, while…

    Anyway, yea. Even without all the added drama, just simply being in a room with other people just sort of zooms me into my body. Maybe because I am more aware of it? Maybe because I can’t do what I want with it?