I mostly lurk in here, but I got my official diagnosis this week. Autism + both flavors of ADHD. It explains a lot. Dunno if I feel any differently, but I’ve got a therapist now.

I fired my last one because every time we’d get close to a breakthrough he’d say something like “so you don’t need to be stressed” or “tell your inner monologue to fuck off” and I’d just stare at him. Gee, that’s easy. Why didn’t I think of that? Don’t be so stressed? Tell the voice in my head to fuck off? You’re well worth the small fortune I’m shelling out every month.

The new therapist has largely been explaining how the autism makes me want routine and the ADHD wants to blow up all routine and be chaotic and I end up stressing myself before I do anything productive. Then plans change and my tightly-wound chaos arc fails and I crash hard. So right away, 100% better than talk therapy guy.

I’m still processing it. The ADHD is a surprise. We’ll see if i can develop some good coping strategies instead of the many bad ones I’ve picked up over the years.