When “doing it”, are you regularly thinking about putting clothes away, which clothes to wash next or if you emptied the washing machine? Or when you washed your clothes the last time?
Is it distracting to the point you get soft (for penis havers) or dry (for ADHDers with vaginas)?
shneancy knows what they are talking about!
I also want to add that you can try out BDSM stuff without sex. (BDSM doens’t even need to very sexual) If you two are unsure about how something feels, pain/comfort-levels etc, try it in a more neutral situation and have fun with it.
Example:
Say you two have talked and are curious about face-slapping.
So you or both start with reading about common damages that can happen (hearing-loss eg), what do to if it happens and tips on how to do it in a good way (hand-positioning eg).
Try it on your self first, how does it feel to slap your own face on different places? Maybe compare with slapping other body-parts.
Then you two get together in a relaxed comfy situation. Start SLOW. Like, a light tap on the cheek. Talk about how that felt. Try slightly harder or change position, angle etc. Explore, slow and steady.
Afterwards, depending on how intense it gets, do some aftercare (for many: cuddles, candy, water, maybe a comforting movie and comfort each other) and let some time go to land in the feelings. Sometimes it takes a bit to process it all.
Thanks! That’s pretty much what I do. As I said in my reply to shneancy, it’s made a lot harder by my neurodivergent partner having serious communication issues around the topic. So it isn’t even to get feedback, but they’re the one who love aggressive sex.
I have experimented with some stuff on myself to get a gauge of how hard is too hard. But tbh, I don’t really enjoy getting slapped in face or choked so, it’s hard to guess what’s the correct level for someone else!
Edit: I now realized you wrote in an Adhd community… Sorry for being stupid below. But my point still stands tho
Yes true, it’s different for everyone! I’ve read your reply. Kinda ironic they say it’s obvious while being neurodivergent (sounds like autism, I’m also autistic).
You are not a mind-reader. And it is SO easy to miss a cue even if you knew them all because you can’t look at their whole body at the same time. Also if it is as obvious as they say, they should be able to teach you all the cues. (I realize that isn’t the case tho, but it would be logical)
I would refuse to play with someone who refuses to communicate. The worst case scenario is death and depending on what flavor of BDSM ones like, that can easily happen. Permanent damages even more likely. Being neurodivergent isn’t an excuse to skip communication.
But, a real suggestion. Maybe you two can playfully explore their body to help them increase their body awareness?