Hey all,
I don’t know what to do, and need some advice.
Today I received the information that my father was moved to the palliative ward. He was in the hospital since a few days.
He had lung cancer, and lost half of his lung, now the tumor is back and restricting the remaining half.
He is dying. The doctors don’t know when, and if there are days weeks or months left. Nothing to do but to make hin as comfortable and pain free as possible.
I want to visit him badly. But I am panicking already just thinking about what to say or what to do. I could call him but me, taking on the phone…, and the main issue remains, what should I say?
I am bad at social interaction, yeah. I live with that. But this situation is wo much worse I ever could imagine.
I love my dad. He is one of the most important persons in my life. Loosing him will of course be painful, but being in a situation where I can get the call every day, every minute …
I am not able to work, think, sleep or be around other people very long.
Does anybody here have some advice?
I went through this years ago. I wanted to talk to my dad badly before he died and I didn’t know what to say. I had questions I wanted to ask, but I didn’t even know where to begin. Near the end he slipped into a coma for the final two weeks and there was no talking to him or asking questions that could really be done. I put headphones in his ears and let him listen to his favorite albums.
The thing is that before his coma, all I wanted to say… It didn’t really matter. I just knew I had to be there. Thinking back, he had the opportunity to talk to me as well and he didn’t say a lot beyond how much he loved me. I think if I were you, I wouldn’t worry about what to say because communication isn’t always about words. Maybe just be there and sit by his bed. Perhaps he will say something to you, perhaps not, but I know he will be happy just to have you there. Maybe bring a book or something and read to him. It won’t really matter what it is. I think just being there is key. He knows who you are and what you’re like and I doubt he’ll expect more than you just being you.
Sorry you two are going through this. It is hard and in some ways I’d be lying if I said “it gets better”, though in a lot of ways, with time, it does. Your memories of him likely wont fade in time as much as you think they will. You’ll always miss him and he’ll always have been taken too early but you’re his son and he will live on in you. He sounds like he was a good father and you’ll always have that to draw upon.
Forget about trying to say anything. If there are words, they will come, but there needn’t be. Just go and be with him. That’s likely all that matters.