I would give anything to move abroad, but im into little to no things it takes to actually do so. And when I read about it, it seems a bit reasonable, but I lose all interest and motivation right there. Doubt myself and the usual.
I hate being american so much to where I want to do. I don’t feel like writing much cause I feel pretty tired right now, but still Its become some sort of dysphoria for me. I feel inferior and I even hope to die in my sleep. I just wish that I were born European.
I do learn languages and I’m well aware of the issues over there.
I wonder to god why I was born here, but I know god doesn’t really work like that or see things that way. So I probably pray.
I feel inferior literally
I don’t relate to the history or culture (as if there is any) at all.
And some other stuff.
And I apologize if this seems very excessive. Its just really how I feel.
I believe you. I’m saddened watching the news out of America as an outsider, and I don’t have your emotional attachment to the country.
If I was in your position, I can imagine I would be grieving right now. Grieving the loss of who and what you believed America stands for, grieving your lost confidence in your fellow Americans, grieving the future you hoped for and no longer see, grieving the loss of that part of your identity which used to be proud to be American. These are not minor things to grapple with, and the grieving process hurts. Leaving America won’t make that hurt go away though.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve moved countries twice now, and I highly recommend it. It’s a wonderful experience. However, it’s also a very stressful thing to do, so only do it to move somewhere that you are excited about going to. Important is the “to”, not the “from”. It’s a bit like moving in with a new partner, you’re going to need those “honeymoon period” feelings to get you through the initial challenges 😄