So my girlfriend apologises compulsively. I find it easy to talk to her about the reasons why she may do that; however, she posed to me a question today which I found a little more tricky to answer:
How do I feel when I tell her to stop apologising, and why do I feel the need to tell her to stop apologising?
It’s honestly something I never gave thought to before. It is a very, very minor annoyance - to the point where I feel calling it an ‘annoyance’ is too harsh - but I don’t actually know why I feel the need to tell her stop doing it all the time.
I’m hoping someone can help me put it into words. So I ask you, Lemmy: how does it feel when someone apologises too much, and why do you feel the need to tell them to stop apologising?
It’s awkward. I’m not upset, please stop insisting that I should be. Am I now failing to live up to your expectations by being okay with stuff?
This. It can be exhausting. I feel compelled to reassure the person that I’m not upset or whatever. It makes a big deal out of something i’d rather not be expending any social energy on.
Here’s an exaggerated analogy of what is like: imagine that every time you sneezed someone came over all concerned, like 'are your alright? are you sure? do you need a doctor? ’ and you had to explain that it was no big deal and that you were ok.
It also reminds me a little of people who cut themselves down, making you fell like you need to tell them, ‘oh no, you’re not ugly / stupid / a jerk’ or whatever.