Honestly i dont even know if i can put the things i feel at the moments in written words but i need to get them of my chest.

I hate being autistic at the moment.

I managed to build a friendgroup in the last two years, we hang out at the local hackspace, did sport together talked about emotions, cuddle etc.

I felt realy safe so I opend up, didnt mask all the time, told them how i feel when many humans are around, how i can crash when my social battery runs to low, how i make decisions, which emotions i have and which i dont, how i sometimes still struggle with being a human…

An with that parts of the group started to change, acted different around me, stoped being cuddly with me, told me that i should not come to partys because i might crash and they then dont want to care about me (they never had to before), and it just feels like i am no longer 100% welcome among some of them.

And i just hate it, i hate me, i want to undo telling them. But i also want to belong, feel safe, not needing to mask all the time and being accepted like i am.

  • eksb@programming.dev
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    4 days ago

    Are there are parts of the group that you are still comfortable with? If so, can you hang out with just those ones?

    • Wutchilli@feddit.orgOP
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      4 days ago

      The thing is i didnt open up the same to everyone, and those who i opend up the most changed the most so i dont want to risk the rest of my friends from that group so i would still have to mask :(