cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/31693938
I (trans man) have a best friend (cis man). Today, he texted me, saying that he encountered one of his friends (cis man) and the friend’s boyfriend (trans man).
While I see the friend’s boyfriend as quite androgynous leaning masculine, my best friend thinks he looks rather feminine and “just like a girl”.
He still is trying to understand LGBTQ stuff, especially since he has had a transphobic, homophobic upbringing.
Anyway, my best friend called the boyfriend “she”, so he replied with “I’m a guy, actually.”
This confused my friend, apparently, and he said “How was I supposed to know when he looks so feminine?”
What is some advice I can give my friend? He’s trying to understand, like I said, and I fully acknowledge and believe we are ALL guys. Everyone involved in this post. Me, my friend, his friend, and the boyfriend.
So think about what we want to achieve when we correct people on our gender and how your friend reacted.
I think your friend took it as an attack while it was merely a correction and I’d tell him that. “How was i supposed to know” is irrelevant in this context because no one blamed him for not knowing. He just got some extra snippet of info that he, now that he knows, should integrate into how he refers to the dude.
It’s okay to be wrong sometimes and i get that a lot of guy culture is about being always right but no one laughed about him or got mad at him for not knowing (at least i hope so)