This happened to my youngest child. They had a high school girlfriend a grade younger, but more than a year younger, so for awhile it was sketchy, we teased them, but here the laws say it’s ok as long as you are not too far apart in age, I believe it’s 3 years or less apart in age.
No man is an island. So nobody.
If you mean ‘having your own place’, maintaining an apartment on one person’s earnings? I am nearing 60, and have never lived alone. I don’t think it’s normal or usual to be able to support a household of 1 by yourself, there are economies of scale so roommates pretty much always make sense.
I do recognize how lucky I am now, to be able to see and hear and read and dance, to be living on a world with such a beautiful sky, with the biological equipment to be able to perceive it! To have no chronic pain but to have occasional crippling migraines that give me perspective on how I don’t have chronic pain.
No idea what gives you the impression I don’t know this? Do you believe all life is suffering?
I do not subscribe to the All Life is Suffering idea. Personally enjoy being physically embodied so much. My kids seem glad to exist too. We are the universe looking back at itself, it’s just so wonderful to get any time at all here to experience this.
I would never argue for everyone to have babies, at all. You have your own life, do what you want. But I don’t at all agree with extinction of all life because “suffering”. Yes that is part of life but it’s not all of it, not nearly.
“Women are also more likely to care about what other people think, simply because they are more likely to be at risk if they piss off the wrong person. Men can usually be a bit more chill because less of the population can threaten them. So it’s entirely possible that those two men don’t care because they know no one is going to kick their ass, so there’s nothing to get upset about.”
This is an important factor, and not always a gender thing. I can be thick skinned at my work because I don’t care, if that makes sense. For whatever incomprehensible reason, management where I work thinks I do a better job than others in my department even though I give them all credit and make as many mistakes. So I say what I mean in meetings and the other ladies are amazed that I push so much, one is convinced she’s on the brink of being fired all the time, I have mostly worked at startups and never got in the habit of deferring to management and so I don’t.
That’s just work though. We don’t have much politics here. My one experience with a place like that, with complicated underlying relationships, cliques and people trying to undercut others, I was absolutely useless, no idea how anyone navigates all that. It did affect me, I did feel lost and upset and frustrated.
I think print media is much better about this - I read a lot of indie comics and there’s plenty of women talking to women about war or other things (though a whole lot of it seems to be war), and in books too. Maybe just because there are more of them there is more variety overall.
If I understand correctly what you are asking, is there art by women that has a different perspective, then I think that answer is yes, but beyond “know it when you see it” I can’t think of a test.
This is a good question and not stupid. I generally don’t say sorry reflexively, no. But yes I seek to empathize and see how my actions affect others. If there is something to apologize for, I do, and always try to take ownership of my mistakes.
If it’s something where I feel fine about what I did and sincerely think the other party has wildly misinterpreted it, I may ask what they think, depending on if I have time and whether I know them, or just let it go if I don’t know them, because I’m sure I’ve done the same to people.
In general I think I err on the not apologizing side and on the defensive side, not on the over-apologizing and too self critical side, nor on the blamey and critical of others side.
Are you renting them for unaffordable amounts? Maybe. But I think you can both live in the world that exists, and argue for a better one.
And I guess if your investment property is affordable housing then you are also walking the walk, right? So no I don’t think it’s necessarily hypocritical. Likely so, but not necessarily so.
We’ve rented for much less than it costs to buy a house here, in fact all of the places we rented were like that. Old houses that were paid off, that we did not want to buy, just paid to live in them month to month. Sure we can wish for a better system but sometimes renting is affordable.
Wait, is his geographic range three different countries? He would travel internationally for no sex romantic cuddles?
If I google management recruiter and my city, I get a lot of them, including one that says “executive and IT”.
But the ones I personally used I found one through my brother and one through a lover so maybe just ask people you know IRL too. People who have jobs like the one you want, preferably.
I think we got our IT staff and management by posting jobs on external boards, Teamwork Online mostly. Some from recruiters though, that’s how they got me. Both my good jobs were temp that turned into permanent positions.
There are more specific staffing agencies where I live, for finance, medical, IT. I actually had really good experience using those, my brother did too. Yes they try to fit the person to the job and vice versa, but that helped.
The lower classes, because “real” capitalism grows from the bottom and trickle down is discredited nonsense, and we work so are working class too. There is no benefit to supporting those who don’t need it. Buying from small local shops and employee owned outfits, and if you are a business owner, paying well and giving employees ownership stake and profit sharing, that at least moves the needle in the right direction.
AFA self interest, middle class has more to gain by the poor becoming middle class, than by the rich getting richer.
I have a story.
My mom died a couple of years back. She was a competent mom, kept us alive, clothed, fed, and educated, but not a very mom-like person. The priest was asking my sister for qualities he could highlight at the funeral and kept suggesting “nurturing” and my sister kept saying “not really, no” but he put it in anyway. My brother was a nationally ranked age group athlete, really good in his sport. When he came in second place and was frustrated, my mom, instead of pointing out what a great result that was or that his time had improved, said “well, if you want a different result do something different.”
Some of us just aren’t encouraging types. Maybe your mom was hurt in the past - not to say you should have to deal with her trauma, obviously it’s not your job! But she may think she is insulating you from disappointment, and I will caution you - no matter how well you do, if you exceed her expectations and yours, it probably won’t get you encouragement or praise. Run for YOU! Enjoy it! Secretly train to be fast and tell your mom you are just recreational. Or just run recreationally and for your own physical & mental health.
Free your mind, and your ass will follow!
Holy crap this is true but it makes it hard to run. I am great at yoga, have stability and strength, I do lift sometimes too, but so much slow twitch, losing agility and bounciness.
I feel like this is more of a U shape curve. It’s hard to be a child, early adulthood is poverty and struggle, then things get easier, I am nearing 60 and still in these easier years, then at the end things start falling apart and it gets difficult again.
You don’t have to relationship with anyone if you don’t want that, I think your premise is wrong. I had an enjoyable run between long relationships, just very casual, by only going out with guys who said that was all they wanted, I can’t possibly be the only woman who likes those guys.
Now - when I said I was going to date more seriously (meaning I was wrapping up the casual run) I was shocked when most of them said “I’d like to date you” when I figured they were into variety and would NOT want to date anyone. i did not want to date any of them seriously at all. And kind of suspect they didn’t really want to date me either, more like they enjoyed the sex and thought maybe the rest would fall into place somehow?
So if you are doing that, don’t. Find the casual people, keep it casual and when they are ready to jump out, find someone else.
I will say, (and I think this is very usual) a “real” relationship does mean more regular sex. Sure, yes. But you ought not do that until or unless you are ready, and your partner too is ready, and enthusiastic about the idea. If you only see it as giving something up, not gaining more, I don’t think it’s time.
And no, you don’t cleave to each other exclusively! Have friends, go to work, have your own hobbies, be a whole person.
I have kids with ADHD who all think I am, what I tell them to do when they get too skinny (maybe it is racoon food, but)
Buy Triscuit crackers and hummus and olives and nuts. High calorie in a small package but not unhealthy, some good fats are calming.
Take a banana with you, and a water bottle. Sandwiches are also such good travel food.
In a pinch, a spoonful of peanut butter. But the one that doesn’t have high fructose corn syrup.
Try to stay away from refined sugar until you are eating better and more regularly. Don’t be afraid of caffeine though.
It is hard. I have done full time work and school, it’s hard for anyone. It’s not you. Can’t say life ever slowed down but school was the worst for me.
Sorry, just read down and saw you need to cook for someone else too.
Chili in the crockpot.
Canned beans on rice.
Those cooked chickens from the grocery make good quesadillas.
Ramen, you can throw shrimp in there while it’s cooking, or some of that leftover chicken.
As my mom used to say “they eat glue. They eat paper. You can’t clean your way out.”
Someone else mentioned the little black plastic traps, those work for us but there aren’t ever many here, it’s preventing not solving.
I think it’s probably because people get irritated. Not to excuse it, but it does take some awareness and tolerance and patience, just like it does for you. Not “lesser” at all, more likely just annoying, and again, just like you are likely annoyed with them.