I can’t remember the specific examples (surprising nobody), but I have had at least a couple occasions where I found traces of something I’d done that showed me I did actually react that exact same way some while previously and forgot about it entirely. In one case, a friend stopped mid conversation to say, “Wait. Haven’t we had this exact conversation before?,” and I while it wasn’t as concrete as finding my own evidence, I was pretty sure he was right.

It’s almost like a coping mechanism, even if I don’t do it intentionally. My life is a book, but at any given moment I might not know what happened on the last page or three. So I have to just figure it out and act how I would act even when I’m clueless.

Just to add: education and diagnosis is getting better, but there are still a lot of psychologists and psychiatrists who have little to no education on adult ADHD. They can use the diagnostic criteria meant for children and often get it wrong. You may find a provider who has updated their education, but the best chance of an accurate diagnosis is to look for somebody that specializes in diagnosing adult ADHD specifically. If the diagnosis involves a detailed history and several appointments with multiple tests, that’s a good sign. If it’s just regular 30-60 minute meetings where you talk and they say you don’t have it, get a second opinion from someone who specializes in this.

You would probably get some good tips from an ADHD community, though the tips here have been good too.

I think you’re overwhelmed, which is probably obvious but it may help to state it plainly. When I’m overwhelmed, it helps if I give myself permission to just drop everything for a bit. Whatever stuff I think I need to get done isn’t going to get done anyway and stressing about it isn’t helping, so I take a breather. Then I start with just basic self care, however much I can manage. I can’t stand going without a shower so that’s a first. Eating might wait if it’s really bad, but I have some meal replacement shakes for emergencies when I really can’t do anything else. I’ll probably isolate and ignore people for a little bit, but if I do it right I start to feel up to talking before too many days go by. But by dropping everything and then adding it back one thing at a time, I stop feeling so overwhelmed.

The world finds a way to keep on going even as we sit still and catch our breath. Trauma and anxiety just make us feel like we might die if we don’t do the things, even though it’s almost never that dire. We have very intense feelings - and it is important to give yourself space to feel and process them - but they are just temporary feelings and you do not have to believe them.

Thank you. I really do appreciate it. I know I’ll get there in the end because it’s the right diagnosis. But help like this gets me there a lot faster.

I appreciate the reassurance at least. I still think the results will be skewed from what they would be if I didn’t have that level of familiarity and practice, but I can at least hope it won’t be significant enough to matter. Or, better yet, that more weight will be placed on the human elements like actually talking with me. I guess mostly it’s just wanting to actually feel heard and understood instead of having my concerns and experiences dismissed yet again. We wouldn’t still be undiagnosed in our forties if people listened.

Yeah, any kind of electronic or reaction based test concerns me a little because I’ve been a gamer my entire life, so my experience doing similar activities is going to affect my results when compared against a control that hasn’t spent almost 40 years practicing. Fucking up on purpose doesn’t seem great either, but it’s definitely something I’ve thought about if I found myself in that situation. It would be really nice if I didn’t need to, but that’s wishful thinking.

I’m well set up for telehealth and I really appreciate the info! I’ll definitely take a look. If I can find a local place that accepts insurance, that would be a big help financially, but I’m glad to have somewhere to look if that doesn’t pan out for any number of reasons.

I’m interested if it’s not too much trouble. My current plan is to try and find any local resources or recommendations for doctors specializing in adult ADHD specifically. I was going to get around to that after the holidays. For sure. Probably.

So I’m always down for more info and more possible avenues I can explore. Especially since I don’t know if I’ll find what I’m looking for. Or when.

What kind of help are you offering? I’m 42 and recent events have pushed me to seek the official diagnosis, but my last attempt was a blatant waste of time. The psychiatrist wasn’t even interested in the possibility.

Yes, I brought up that we already discussed the edibles. Given how long after use you can still test positive I told him the results probably wouldn’t change, and he straight up said that if I don’t stop using it entirely then he doesn’t want me as a patient. It felt so judgmental, and that part of it really upsets me too. I promise I’m not that exciting lol

Sorry about your medication mix up. Every time they have me update my info it has a list of all the meds I’m taking and I’m supposed to correct any dosages that have changed or cross them out if I no longer take them. Every time I cross out the same ones and re-correct the dosages again. My file has a totally different picture from reality - it’s kinda scary.