I don’t have an office, but there are literally zero windows in the room I work in at work. So I have no idea what the outside world generally looks like.

There is a person I work with who I would consider my best friend. It’s weird though because in some ways we are absolute polar opposites. I’m very liberal, atheist…hell I’m actually vehemently anti-religion. My friend is deep in the MAGA cult and incredibly devoutly religious with very “traditional” views that were probably a lot more common in the 1950s (doesn’t believe in evolution despite having a strong science background; some other views I will not mention for fear of getting in trouble with users on here).

On paper, you wouldn’t think two radically different people would get along like that. But she’s also legitimately one of the nicest people I know. She’s funny, goofy, kind, and just an all around blast to work with. When I first started working at my job, there wasn’t much in the way on conversation. People just worked hard and didn’t say much. She was the first person to really talk to me there and slowly make me feel welcomed over time. We have deep conversations sometimes and other times we just act goofy. There was a time where she didn’t have power or water for multiple days and I had her family stay with me (multiple young kids, a husband, an in-law) and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. She talks a lot and always has something to say even when I don’t, which I’ve always found helpful as someone who is socially anxious and doesn’t always have something to say. Anyway, she’s a great person despite our polar opposite life philosophies and viewpoints.

Honestly your body develops a tolerance for caffeine. Try decreasing your intake for a bit and then see what happens.

I do feel you on this, OP. Coffee used to do that with me too. But then I started drinking it daily and I don’t get that anymore. It sucks because I used to enjoy the mood lift.

When I first started driving I had extreme anxiety. Like, it was really bad. I’m pretty sure I cried over it several times. I attribute this in part to the fact that my driving instructor was a humongous asshole.

Over time, I began to relax with it a bit more and even enjoy it. On a nice day, sometimes it’s nice to just drive around and vibe to some music. I don’t like it as much now because I don’t like traffic and such, but thankfully I’m nowhere near the levels of panic-inducing I felt initially.

I apologize compulsively at work and this thread is making me feel some type of way. Seems like everyone must hate me for it based on this thread I guess. It’s like I’m in an unwinnable scenario of bothering people if I fuck up and bothering people if I apologize about it. So then what?

“Don’t quote me on that.”

I say a lot of “facts” that come to my head that I think I’m remembering correctly and are relevant to the scenario/conversation. But I never know if I’m actually saying anything correct or if it just sounds convincing but isn’t true like ChatGPT.

Some of my coworkers can get amused or annoyed with it and some like to respond things like “I’m never going to quote you on anything ever” lmao.

You don’t even need to patch the Android app called Red Reader. It works by default. Not super pleasing to look at, but it has always done the job. I think they managed to squeak by the API shutdown thing because they are headed toward blind users, but sighted users can use it too.

Yes, they accuse me of “overthinking” things a lot in general. But they don’t realize that I have to do this in order to try to do things more correctly. Lack of enough thought is what gets me into these kinds of situations, you know?

I’m definitely not imagining most of these. If everyone is happily smiling and chatting away, and then I make a mistake which causes a sudden change in facial expression, curt response, and the sudden end of a flowing conversation, then it’s not my imagination.

Coworker 3 is the most lenient/forgiving of them, but issues still arise with them too.

No, I don’t currently pause between each sentence. Usually conversation flows quite smoothly. But it flows until I make a grave error and then it shuts down catastrophically. My question was saying “how can I think before I speak” because pausing after each sentence would be incredibly jarring and not work with conversational flow if that makes sense.

Coworker 3 has occasionally asked that out of genuine concern when I have been having a bad time. But it’s a trick question because I’m not supposed to respond that I am having a bad time. It is the incorrect response and will make them upset, even if they tell me that I can be honest. It’s very confusing because coworker 3 will occasionally tell me that it’s ok to come to them with things, but the reality is that isn’t true. If I do that, it makes them upset. So one of the biggest things is that I have worked to not tell coworker 3 when something is bothering me and not share feelings like this with them. But it is confusing when they do things that indicate that it’s ok and welcomed for me to do so when it isn’t. They say one thing but I am supposed to act in a way that is discordant with what they indicate, which is confusing.

And sometimes coworker 3 likes to discuss serious topics. So I sometimes accidentally say something about the topic with too much emotion in my voice or something or the wrong statement in general and then I fuck up the whole thing.

I get that I am truly a horrible person, truly. I struggle with that every day. I did try to apologize to my coworker in that instance, but they were not at all receptive to it. Usually the things that I say that get reactions like that are much more innocuous…like letting coworker 2 know that they can leave early (we are salaried and still get a full days pay if we leave early). Or apologizing to coworker 2 that I was freaking out about a work related task simply because I was anxious about it.

But no, coworker 1 is on a level that is difficult for me to describe. Coworker 1 causes issues with almost everyone they come in contact with including the leaders of many different departments. It has been so bad with coworker 1 that they have made me think that I was going to get fired and/or made me want to quit my job. Coworker 1 has had multiple complaints filed against them to HR by multiple different people. To my knowledge, that has not occurred on my end at all.

So coworker 1 is a bit dangerous to interact with, hence many of us do so minimally.

I can’t tell if this is sarcastic or genuine.

I apologize if anything came off as sarcastic! I am being very serious in my questions. I don’t really understand how any of this works. I have been reading the replies but it’s tricky to respond to them all.

With the friend thing, there are a lot of philosophies people have about work. Some people believe I shouldn’t speak and should only work all day, while others seem to prefer to chat once in a while. For me, it’s difficult for me to know the most correct way to act in terms of these two philosophies. It seems like a lot of society would like the former…that I should speak minimally and just do my work. I struggle with the former philosophy because you spend most of your waking hours working, so I would like to get some enjoyment out of it. But that is wrong, no? I am supposed to hate my job and just be a good worker bee, no? It’s tricky because humans are social creatures but I know I’m not supposed to feed my needs like that.

And like the person who I had considered to be a friend. They have a busy life outside of work so it’s wrong to bother them, correct?

The person who I had considered to be a friend sometimes likes to talk about serious topics. But I am not really sure what to do when that comes up because I at times give the wrong answers. I know a lot about their beliefs. We have different ones and usually that’s perfectly ok and I we don’t really argue or anything. But sometimes I still do it wrong or say something with too much emotion in my voice or something.

If someone is full of shit at work, I’d just nod and smile. Unless there’s something to be gained by calling them out, I’d just note that they are uninformed on that topic and move on.

They weren’t actually full of shit…they are just super fit and don’t realize that they are a bit outside the norm.

So one of the things I’ve noticed is that I slipped up like this because it was in the middle of a flowing conversation. I didn’t stop to realize that I was about to say the wrong thing because we were having a lot of back and forth lighthearted chatting. That’s why I’ve brought up this topic to begin with tbh. If I am not in a flowing conversation, it’s easier for me to pause and think before a response. When I am in a conversation I fuck up. I don’t know anyone who pauses between each sentence even utilizing this “think before you speak” attitude, so I’d like to find out how to implement it in a better way. Idk.

I do appreciate your time.

Oh God…how can I possibly hope to think of every single permutation of conversation??? It sounds like I would be thinking about conversations indefinitely if I did that. Any tips???

No, I am not in the Midwest. I did have a therapist ask me once if I was neurodivergent and I said no. I don’t think I fall in line with anything like autism or anything like that. I do struggle with human interaction but everything else about me seems pretty “neurotypical”. Even in conversation, I actually am able to carry on normally and understand a lot of social cues, I think, as well as I have the ability for eye contact when I am not anxious. I struggle a bit with anxiety and told someone that I struggle sometimes to order food at places because of that. That person told me “that’s weird because you seem totally normal” in a non sarcastic way. It made me feel good actually lol and like I’m very normal passing haha.

They just get upset with me if I do that unfortunately. I’m never supposed to talk to them about things when I make them upset.

Well yeah so I kind of wrote the post in a detached manner because I am trying to mechanically optimize conversation. Doing things organically doesn’t work out for me even though my heart is in the right place and I just want to get along with people and for us to be happy.

I’m 30. People telling me that things will work out once you get to know people better do not at all understand that I have spent many many years doing this and yet I still fail horribly multiple times per week. I’m not some teen with a still developing brain. This is the way I am and I want to figure out how to improve and be more correct in my interactions. If it hasn’t organically happened in 30 years, it’s not going to organically happen now. So I need a different approach. Getting to know people and your heart being in the right place aren’t the magic solution for me.

I have just never been skilled in that manner. So I would like to try to break it down into a more logical way where I could actually work on it. All too often I get frustrated that no one has written a guidebook on every facet of human interaction.

Yeah with coworker 1 I try to interact minimally with. It works out ok. So I mostly talk to coworkers 2 and 3 but I still tuck up with them all the time.

Nah, coworker 4 isn’t anxious. She just wants us to work as quickly as possible so she can leave as quickly as possible. I don’t talk to her much either tbh. It can be a bit frustrating when she sometimes gets upset when I am chatting with a different coworker (because she wants me to shut up and not talk to anyone at all).

I mean, forgive me for not explaining every detail of all of my coworkers lives in this thread. The post is already stupidly long and I was trying to get to the meat and potatoes of it for those that might be able to help.

I know some of them quite well and I am constantly learning new things about them. I can speak organically with most of them (except coworker 4), and often do so at length with coworkers 2 and 3. But my mistakes are still frequent enough and significant enough that it causes major problems. I am constantly learning what not do to, but there are seemingly infinite permutations of conversation and infinite ways things can and do go wrong, even when I find some of the patterns.

I had my bouts where I tried a lot of therapy. Therapists weren’t overly helpful to me but were good at quickly draining my bank account. Many of them would say “oh there’s nothing wrong if you do XYZ in a social context” and I would try to explain why it is wrong, similar to how I’ve demonstrated to you guys.

No, I fuck up even in small talk. For example, we were talking about supplements and exercising one day.

Coworker 2: Yeah, running a 10 minute mile is easy. Anyone can do it.

Me (a slow runner): What??? Idk dude that is kind of hard for me.

Coworker 2: Well for some people walking is healthier than running!

Me: What??? Ok sure, Coworker 2

Coworker 2: (angrily shuts down and refuses to say anything else to me for several hours even after I apologize)

Coworker 2 being angry with me was one thing. But I felt bad because coworker 3 was also chatting and it meant that they no longer got to speak either because coworker 2 was so mad.

Small talk with coworker 1 doesn’t work at all because they will randomly randomly act condescending to you when you make a joke or say something that doesn’t land exactly with them. It’s a bit demoralizing so I try to interact with coworker 1 the least.

I don’t outright tell coworkers 1 and 2 that I am anxious. But I will sometimes obsess over certain work things that I am anxious about and they get wise to it and get upset with me…even if what I am specifically doing to them is apologizing for acting weird because I was simply anxious.

I had considered coworker 3 to be my friend a bit tbh. But that is not supposed to be the case, right? We are not supposed to be friends or anything. I am supposed to find friends elsewhere and not think of them that way, right?

If people want to discuss serious topics with me then I’m just not supposed to contribute, right??

Wut

Personally, I attached a lawnmower to the front of my murder machine so I can more easily shred my victims. Would recommend.