A few months I was walking, possibly jaywalking, and someone shouted “BITCH!” out of their car window as they passed me. That was probably the only time I’ve ever passed for cis.

The only thing I do is makeup. It’s a skill that takes time to learn, so it accomplishes consumption of time, gender affirmation, and self-improvement.

I sympathize with these feelings, and I’m sorry you’ve had to wait so long to get this taken care of. Be confident that it isn’t that far in the future.

As for my experiences, I can personally relate to gender dysphoria but not genital dysphoria. I missed out on a lot of gay experiences when I was younger because, while I’ve always liked dicks, I’ve never seen masculinity as a positive trait, and the one gay guy I knew in high school was very masc and went to the gym and stuff. I’m dating another transfem with a similar background to my own, and (perhaps because they look more feminine than I do and have stronger dysphoria) they’re asking me to boymode, which I hadn’t done in about a year. I do it because I care about them and desperately need that relationship. (Abandonment issues.) Plus it’s just something different.

My suggestion, beyond taking solace in the fact that you have a surgery planned, is to spend time with a partner, be it someone who is trans or someone who understands the trans experience more than a completely cis person. Intimacy with someone you’re attracted to and know and understand can be therapeutic.

I’m sorry you’re going through that. Since we’re sharing… A few years ago, I (amab) started feeling really uncomfortable being called a “man” and especially the honorific “sir”, so I adopted the nonbinary label in online communities to avoid any kind of gendering. But it wasn’t enough, and almost a year after that I learned makeup techniques and bought some fem clothes at a thrift store, and things kept going in that direction without any attempt on my part to hide it.

I’m not sure I understand the truly genderless perspective of people I’ve known, but the desire to remove cisgendered attributes from one’s self is the part that resonates with me. My facial hair, my voice, and my height are all nasty reminders. I boymode when explicitly asked to (like by my partner, who is the same as me) but I don’t think I could tolerate a setting or organization trying to make me present as cis-het. I’m basically fem every day in a town that has some trouble respecting that, but I’m also attending a college where this is fairly normal.

Welcome to the club. I’m in America so obviously my experience is a bit different and there are gaps in my cultural knowledge.

1. I don’t know. Generally any LGBTQ group should suit you, and if there is a gay bar I highly recommend going. Gay/trans/queer/whatever people are all sort of part of the same community, and I guess people assume that something both NB-specific and local might not draw as large of a group, but I could be completely wrong.

2. I don’t know much about this either, except anecdotally about shorter haircuts becoming popular among American women around that time, coincident with the rise of high culture in New York and other major cities, as well as some progress in feminist movements. I imagine queer people were still closeted though.

3. I have a waist that’s anywhere from 26" to 31", equivalent to a small or medium (depending on country of origin, brand, gender, and stretch. Read the reviews.) Skirts from China tend to run small, and you should also consider that your hips are a different size from your waist. You can wear a skirt at any vertical position, but also consider that your hips might block it from going all the way up if the zipper is too small and there is no elastic.

A year ago I spent a couple hours shopping for the perfect stripper-style microskirt in my size, and while it fits perfectly, when I wear it I look like the “problem” that far-right characters are trying to “solve”. Miniskirts are acceptable for most people, microskirts are better for especially hot wearers or select settings. I’ve never been a fan of dresses, but a former AMAB partner with a similar body to what you describe ordered one that fit them perfectly. I believe they used a tape measure at different positions to get a precise size.

Are you my boyfriend? jk jk but as a non-binary transfem who gets misgendered every day and has a lot of male-coded attributes I can sorta relate. I think if you’re medically transitioning that probably means your dysphoria is worse. If one of your male-coded qualities is stoicism, I recommend letting your sadness show more visibly and communicating more openly about how you feel and what you’re thinking. That way, people are less likely to call your judgment into question.