Hail fellow middle-name-is-Elizabeth-haver!

I am no-contact with family and hated my given name, so I didn’t have the option of most of the suggestions here.

I went through a list of names common in my age group and birth area and stripped out the ones I didn’t want for initials. Then I bounced them off my spouse until we got a short list. I asked those who knew I was out to use them, and put them in as my preferred name for appointments.

It turns out all that work was pointless. We had a random night where we were doing something completely unrelated and my spouse said something that I misheard as my new name and it just stuck! Now my legal paperwork is done and I am just waiting for the courts to finish their side of it.

You aren’t alone!

Your choice is completely valid and yours to make. I just don’t want people to think it’s either/or in the full and opposite direction. There are options for things like zero-depth or even nullification that don’t require dilation or very much recovery time.

Some girls just have a penis I guess

And some have a vulva without anything under it, or nothing at all!

Girl, get some tights. My quadzilla gravel cyclist legs look like thick thighs saving lives in a pair of yoga pants. Get the ones with the v cross at the abdomen and look like a lower body goddess. Top it off with a nice longline sports bra or a crop top and throw a camp wrap or something over your shoulders. Own that body you built and make it look good for you!

I’m taking this same journey right now as well. I was in a similar situation as you (mostly plain shirts and hiking pants, think “Eddie Bauer”). I also really want to branch out to more interesting styles. The one thing I’ve learned from my partner is that layering is pretty much essential unless it’s a scorching hot day. You can also seriously consider the same sources for your current clothing (Eddie Bauer’s Women’s section is not half bad for comfortable things that fit well, if a bit boring). You should consider that bottoms are possibly going to be tighter in some areas and looser in others unless or until hormones or surgery happen. I have a wide and sturdy ribcage, so tops all feel like they’re too tight, especially at the armpits. Sizing up is an option, but so are looser cuts and stretchy materials. I find that I like a tighter base top and something loose to go over it like a hoodie, wrap, or shrug.

Experimentation is the only way to really learn anything. You can always try to abuse the Amazon “try 5 things out” nonsense, or find a shop that’s trans-affirming or go to the next city over if you’re shy and just try on everything until you find what you like. I have known people, especially my mother, to spend an entire day trying on clothing and buy one or two items. Or a dozen! I actually find the shopping and discovery part of this to be fun and a little relaxing. Think of it less as a chore or a scary task and more like a way to explore yourself and your identity, then make a fun day out of it!

I hear this a lot, but what qualifies as a “thrift” store in this case? Are we suggesting places like a Goodwill, or something else? I live in a pretty rural area, but I can get to a moderate city occasionally. My area is pretty much only Goodwill or WalMart/Target. What is everyone seeing in their minds when they hear “thrift store”?

Feel free to send DMs if you want to have a longer chat about this. I’m headed for general anesthesia tomorrow for an unrelated procedure (see, we have normal human things like everyone else!) so I’m sure I’ll be meeting another nice surgical technician like you before I go under. I’ve been through a whirlwind lately, and my post history isn’t even half of it, so I am sure there’s much to discuss. Thanks again for remembering the human part of healthcare!

Have you tried changing your exercises? I found that marathon running wasn’t doing much after a few years. As soon as I started cycling (zwift/gravel bikes) I started losing more weight. I got my BMI from 32 to 25 on the bikes and a good diet, but not a “fad” diet. Just eating well and less

Fat cell “memory” is a misnomer. Adipose tissue ( brown fat cells) are storage. They get created to store extra fat when no others are available. When they empty, they stick around until natural cell death happens, which is anywhere from 3-5 years. MtF redistribution just changes where the body makes new cells, so the ones you have still do their thing until attrition happens. There is some truth to “weight cycling” in that you try to get the new cells to show up where you want, but it also fills the old ones until they get reabsorbed.

1600 might actually be preventing you from losing the way you want. You might try 1700-1800. You don’t want to go into starvation mode, as you might lose lean muscle instead. This is a slow journey. Healthy weight loss and transition both have that in common. Belly fat is the last to go on most people, and fat redistribution can take multiple years when starting later.

Find outfits that work with your shape. Find joy in the time and the process. Find peace with yourself on the way there. You aren’t alone in any part of this!

Either way, I consider this a pretty short timeline, though I really wish I could have had my orchi when I started HRT in 2023, that insurance requirement to wait a year is blatant transphobia.

That is a short timeline! I’m happy that you were able to move this fast!

In visits before the operation I did ask the PA and nurses about what to expect in terms of sensation, function, etc.

This has always been a thing that worries me. I’m mostly concerned with functionality, though obviously we would all like like have all 3 be perfect. I’m glad you were able to find the procedure you were hoping for!

I was shocked to find that I was so extremely happy with the results, and that led to some happy sobbing.

Joy really is the end goal, isn’t it?

Ok, actual question time!

• How long was the waitlist, or the time between your consultation and the scheduled surgery date?
• Which PIV method did you get? I was looking at a specific method in the northeast and am trying to get an orchi ASAP with a request to preserve some tissue for a specific method, and am wondering if this is the same method. This seems like a VERY short time in the OR.
• Did you discuss personal priorities with your doctor? I have in mind the juxtaposition of sensation vs function vs aesthetics.
• Last one: how big was your grin when you woke up and realized everything was the way it should be?

Thank you for even thinking about these questions! Remember that trans patients are patients, and while some things can be due to medical transition, not everything is. Unless it’s specifically transition-related care, most of us are just there for a stomach bug, or a headache, or the same procedures everyone else is getting. Ask our pronouns, ask our preferred names, make us feel like all of your other patients. This goes such a long way to making it a good experience. When it does come down to gender expression or transition-related things, ask about preferences and goals. Not everyone is binary. Even the binary among us have different options and plans. And sometimes, we can change our minds about things! Don’t stop being an inquisitive person. Learning gives you options and understanding and empathy, and those are the best tools you can have as a caregiver. Thank you for doing what you do!

I’m super happy for you! Get some rest and I wish you a speedy recovery!

I just did my first “on my own and unsupervised” injection today. 5mg every 7 days of estradiol valerate. I had the same symptoms you did with spiro. It was difficult to be a distance runner but watching your garmin scream at you at mile 5 that your heart rate is over 190bpm.

I think you and I are dealing with the same trouble over dosing. 5mg/7 is just as bad as 4mg/7. I think the best would be 4mg/5days. https://transfemscience.org/misc/injectable-e2-simulator/ suggests your dosage spikes to 305-210pg/mL and troughs at 110-120. My dosage will spike to almost 380 with troughs at 140.

4mg/5 days results in a peak of 360pg/mL and a trough of 205-210. This feels like where it should be, since the peaks aren’t approaching 400, and the troughs would be above 200 still. This should make absolutely certain to shut down testosterone production.

As it is, I am going for a consult to get an orchiectomy. I’m not confident they will allow me to alter the dosing anytime soon, and I don’t want the effects of T ever again, for any reason.

I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I really do wish universal healthcare was recognized as a human right for all and prioritized that way. Unfortunately, the Star Trek future I wish we’d get seems less likely every day. I will go to my grave holding on to hope, though!

That’s fair, and a lesson I’m still trying to internalize. The irony is that after so long in the closet, it’s very difficult to be patient. I just see so much that needs to change and the longer it takes, the less likely it feels that things will end up representing the me on the inside.

Welcome to the fold, sister! You’ll find your situation isn’t so rare, here. There’s plenty of experience and resources around, and I share many of your concerns! I’m on my 3rd month of HRT in my 40’s, also in the US, and also recently changed employers in the past year. It’s difficult, but you CAN do it! You can start voice training anytime, and there’s plenty of YouTube and some Discord/Matrix/Other places for practice and critiquing. You can also get 1:1 sessions online, or get local training from a speech pathologist, but find one that specializes in voice feminization! Makeup isn’t as difficult as it seems, either. You can get lessons at some places like Ulta, and there are a lot of YouTube videos for this, as well! I personally recommend Stef Sanjati’s videos, since she did this professionally and really digs into technique and explaining the reasoning behind what she does.

HRT is a pretty slow process, especially as your age increases. You can hide many of the effects for a while, too! Some of use start failing at boymode 6 months in, some are still able to pull it off up to two years in. Look into starting it sooner than later, because it’s a big change, especially mentally, and it takes so long to affect anything!

Hang in there! I’m hoping things can be salvaged here in the land of the Freedom to be Told Not to Use Any Restroom, but I’m also thinking about backup plans, and looking for ways to organize. The more of us that are vocal, the better chance we have of being heard.

The risk aversion is deviation from their standard plan and from possible mortality as a side effect of bica. Yes, I 'm aware that it’s an exceedingly low chance. They are still stuck in the early 2000’s for treatment plans.

The risk of heart issues is actually the spiro, which appears to be happening but they still aren’t responding to the request. I was over 190bpm during a distance run this weekend, and that’s considered the red zone for ages 40 and up. I’m normally around 150 for a tempo run and 50 flat for resting. This is absolutely an anomaly for me.

Your current doctor sounds transphobic and misinformed, they should let you be in control of your care especially with a decision like oral vs injections.

My doctor happens to be a trans woman. Howewver, she transitioned more than a decade ago and is comparing everything to her experience. I’m not sure if she’s bothered keeping up with things. I’m not here to judge, just to get myself in order.

I recommend meeting and talking to the local trans community

Try as I have, this part has been exceedingly difficult. The only meetups are youth oriented or singles mingles at bars. I’m married, don’t drink, and too old for that. There’s pride, annually, but this area isn’t fantastic for just finding folx at local establishments being themselves. I also happen to work a later shift. It’s quite lonely out here.