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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: September 1st, 2023

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  • My brain is like a planet with a very thin crust with a black hole inside. Everything I am is built on this extremely delicate shell of stability, and sometimes it seems like I spend most of my time clinging to the edge after having fallen through. Medication makes the shell thicker and more stable, but there’s still a black hole in my head and it’s never going to go away and I’m so tired of fighting falling in.


  • The biggest thing stopping me from doing anything is that the steps to do something are multiplicative for me rather than additive how it seems for other people. If I’m dreading fixing and tuning my printer, then I just won’t print anything. For months. Until a magic day comes when I’m able to get on with it (Yeah, I know I’m a shitty low functioning person, you don’t have to mention it). Getting a Bambu let’s me actually print stuff and helps me not get locked into paralysis about it for months. I hate it’s a closed and easily fucked over ecosystem, but it’s a choice between letting me function or not. I dunno, I’m really rambling without a point, I just thought someone might find some value in this







  • I know from firsthand experience that I can trick myself into feeling better for a little while. However, I have problems that can’t be solved, and when reality comes into conflict with me feeling better, it makes everything worse than when I started. I was in therapy for a year, my medications just get more numerous and higher dosages, for fucking what. The fact is, everything in my life has just been getting worse and worse, despite and in some cases because of everything I’ve tried to do to make it better. I just wish someone cared enough about me to euthanize me like people do their beloved pets.