I’ve got two:

1. The Cat-Call

   Not quite the same level as yours, but: once I saw my cousin’s cat meow at its kittens to call them for milk.

   On a spur of the moment random impulse, I meowed the same way, inadvertently replicating the mother cat’s meow down to some exact degree of mimicry such that all the cats turned to look at me; the kittens stopping mid-stride to look at me for a source of milk, their confusion expressed in a footfall hesitations of whether to come to me or not.

   The mother cat meowed again, and the kittens resume their journey to her, and she threw me an irritated look.

   I have not once been able to replicate this. It was just one of those once a million moments where all the odds of the universe stacked up in favor of me, and paid out in the most realistic cat sound known to either man or cat.

2. Call to Prayer

   This one has more hidden steps: once, when I was a kid, I was bored watching endless TV coverage about the Royal family

   It was a show about the latest gossip on Princess Dianna, and there was literally nothing else to watch on another channel. So I did what any well-adjusted kid did, and that night I got down on one knee and prayed for her die. Prayed. I’m not religious nor was I raised religious in any sense.

   Anyway, one week later, she popped off. The guilt stayed with me for a while, until I decided that if God’s taking messed up requests, then that’s on him and not me.

We need more people like you, thank you

Ah, okay haha

Woah he attends board game festivals?

I dont have tips other than take out £70 in cash each week and see if you can live off £10 a day, excluding travel.

Oh wow, that’s quite the memory to have, and I know just how frustrating it is to search for something that you’re sure exists only to find nothing time and time again. (I once searched for a song for 15 years until the artist finally uploaded it to the web.)

Have you tried reaching out to Neil himself via his various social media? It might be something he did outside of Art Attack but was presented on ITV nonetheless?

I can only say your description rings a bell for me, but I can’t remember anything concrete

Just cough when they finish. If they can hear you cough, bells will ring in their heads

He did, yes, juiciest motherfucker you ever ate

Same. I wasn’t even over 18 at the time, and they’d still ask

Okay, imagine you’re down at the pub, and that actor from GoT comes in surrounded by a horde of screaming girls. He clearly just wants a drink and to be left alone, but can’t shake off the fans. The bar stool next to you is free, and you have an expression of utter repulsion on your face to ward off anyone. He’s eyeing the seat and your face with desperation. Do you let him sit with you, or do you tell him to piss off to another pub?

Fine, imagine this: you’re at the local Nando’s getting their veggie supreme for your girl Suze, when a man in a tracksuit comes at you saying that it’s his order and that he’ll brap you up if you say different. You notice that his hand is down the front of his trousers, and if he’s hiding anything there it’s either small or non-lethal. Suze is looking at you. What do you do?

Okay you’re at the local kebab shop, and he asks you whether you want it german-wrap style or in a pitta bread, but not once does he call you Boss during the exchange.

Do you take the kebab without leaving, or do you report him to the police for failure of duty?

Lmao, the old Blue Peter “here’s one I made earlier”

Okay, what about you’re at the local chicken shop, and a wean comes in asking if you’ll buy him some chips and a coke. You originally say no, but then three of his schoolmates come in too and one of them looks like he’s holding a sharpened ruler. How many chips do you buy assuming you want to leave the shop?

Alright here’s a more local analogue: how many chavs would you offer a ciggy to if they approached you in your council flat? 1? 10? 100,000?

If one of them is named Kev and knew your mate’s sister, and all but one were wearing Adidas or Nike, would that double or halve your generosity?

Oh weird, you not have PVA?

Haha yeah same!

1990s, UK

Same! I had no idea there were versions of him in the Red Shirt in different languages, with different faces any everything

oh interesting!