themeatbridge

I mean, that’s kinda what they said about Lost, but then they had to fill 3 seasons because the network wasn’t ready to end it, and by the time they got to the end, everyone had guessed the twist and it went out with a whimper.

Of course we’ve had other terrible endings to massive shows since then, so

Musk is getting $8 million each day from the US government to destroy the US government. He was given $44 billion to destroy Twitter. He’s not worried about money.

Ask yourself a question, have you ever heard of a toddler accidentally shooting someone with a bow? Firing a gun is so easy that you have to keep them away from babies or the babies are likely to kill themselves.

“Starts”

Ok, well, this meme was about you and I’m sorry we all hurt your feelings pointing out you’re not helping. I did my best to help you understand, but if you prefer to continue to be the asshole, then I hope you have the life you deserve.

Why would you assume that they are giving up just because they didn’t take your advice?

Okey dokey, I’ll spell it out for you again, on the off chance this sticks this time around. Previously I was speaking generally, but this deep into the thread it’s just you and me, so I’ll try to be more direct.

You’re the asshole this meme is referring to.

You are the cat, Tom (if you’re unfamiliar with the cartoon). You’re angry at me because you think I don’t understand you, and if I did understand you, I’d realize you are just trying to help. I fully understand what you’re saying, and I understand you think you’re helping, and I understand you think you should offer advice to neurodivergent people struggling to coexist with you.

That is precisely why you are the asshole.

It does not matter if your intentions are sincere.

I’m going to repeat that, because you don’t seem to be listening very well and it’s important.

IT DOES NOT MATTER IF YOUR INTENTIONS ARE SINCERE.

It doesn’t matter if your advice is good advice. It doesn’t matter if your advice might work.

Telling a person with ADHD, a medical condition that makes it difficult to do things that seem simple to neurotypical people, to “just make a list and do one step at a time” is callous, myopic, and, at least in your case, obstinate.

You’re being told that your advice is unwanted, and you’re like “but what advice am I supposed to give? How am I supposed to fix you if you don’t want my help? Why won’t you just tell me what I can say that will fix you so that I can say it to some other neurodivergent person I work with to fix them? I’m losing clients over here, I need an answer to fix this.”

There isn’t a single, simple fix that works for everyone. There are techniques and methods that can help, but you’re asking the wrong question. The question isn’t “what advice can I give someone?” The question is, “how can I help?” You see how that’s a different question?

I can’t tell you what to say to your coworker, because I don’t know what will help them. And this is critical for you to understand, neither do you. Making “just” suggestions, like the ones in the example, are based on your presumptions that the person 1) hasn’t thought of those things, 2) would benefit from doing those things, and 3) wants you to be the one to solve their neurological condition. Even if all of those things are true, making those presumptions still makes you the asshole in the situation.

And if you still don’t see how, then maybe I’m not the only neurodivergent person in this conversation.

That’s a actually apt. You don’t know if they tried prosthetics, if they have prosthetics, or if prosthetics would even help. You’re not a doctor, and you’re not their doctor, and you say “just 3d print a new leg” because you saw someone do that in a new article.

Wearing a prosthetic leg can be taxing, and painful, and destabilizing. It requires a whole apparatus and special exercises, and balancing on two would likely require crutches as well.

Most of all, the person you’re talking to probably knows more about their condition and their options than you do. So saying “just get prosthetics” is not a helpful suggestion at all.

Someone with ADHD who rejects your “helpful” advice isn’t choosing to remain unhelped. They’re saying you’re an asshole for thinking you’re the first person to come up with “just keep a calandar. That’s what works for me.”

Nothing you said didn’t make sense. You’re just missing the point. Which more or less was my point, so thanks for serving as an example.

I’m not sure if that’s irony or projection.

Start over from the top and try reading the whole thing again. But this time, just try to comprehend what I was saying.

What was your single cure-all suggestion to your colleague that fixed him?

You help by talking with them to uncover the root of the problem and working with them to avoid it in the future. There isn’t going to be a simple fix that guarantees it won’t happen again. “Just install an app” isn’t treatment.

Right, my point is that the unhelpful bit is assuming you can solve it with one suggestion. “Just set an alarm” is condescending and frustrating to receive as advice. I know about alarms, and even if I had anticipated needing a reminder, I might have simply forgotten to set one. Or maybe I had an alarm, but missed it because I was distracted by something else going on.

Sure, if you’re close like that. Support and empathy are great.

Start with the meme.

You had a concern and provided advice.

Your advice followed the format I referenced: “Just (do something obvious that seems simple, and would be if you don’t have ADHD)”

You are frustrated because your advice was ignored.

Right, but they’re conservatives. Complaining about their hypocrisy is like complaining about clouds blocking the sun. Redefining your values based on your identity is the unifying feature of conservativism. That’s what makes it appealing, you don’t have to adhere to any fundamental values or policies. Whatever helps you win today is good, because you’re a good person because you’re a conservative. So whatever you say now is good, and if you have to say something else tomorrow, it will be good then, too.

States’ Rights is especially fraught because progressives also vacillate on the issue depending on how much of the government they can influence. I’m not a bOtH SiDeS person, but on that one issue, both sides ride that pendulum.

It’s not that the methods are bad or ineffective, it’s that the advice is unsolicited and condescending. Do you offer to help everyone you meet with every one of their medical conditions? You meet somebody with a rash, and you say “just rub some vaseline with aloe on that, it’ll go away.” You don’t know the cause of the rash, or if that will help, or if they tried it already. There’s no “just” anything that makes ADHD go away.

Works for me, too, sometimes. But I also have arthritis, not that I would expect anyone to know that, but that’s kind of my point. There’s no cure for ADHD, and you definitely can’t fix it if you “just” do one of the most common methods of mitigating symptoms. Oh, you have back pain? Just take a Tylenol. Just do some physical therapy. Just lie down for a bit. Just get a spinal fusion surgery.

Any of those might help, or maybe not.

Yeah, frankly I’m shocked by the number of comments saying “I dont understand, why are you complaining about all my good ideas?”

Of course it would, but it’s like meeting a deaf person and suggesting hearing aids and closed captioning. You think people don’t know about setting reminders?

It’s not the ideas themselves that are the issue, it’s the idea that a person making the suggestion will fix you with such basic suggestions. Alarms? Oh, I hadn’t heard of those, and now I’m cured! Time tracking software? I had not thought of that! Suppose I can cancel my therapy appointments.