My diagnosis actually said mine is low level, which i dont trust and im pretty sure I just am good at faking the test and its much worse than it looks.
My friend kind of thinks everyone just has adhd but they dont understand the level at which i have it. Like they can focus for a 16 hour workday- there’s no fucking way I could do that, I can barely do 9 and most of it is not real work either.
I have ADHD. I can usually hold my shit together at work, and I work 16 hour shifts. Some days my coworkers will notice enough to ask me if I’ve taken my meds, but most days I appear pretty chill. I’ll bet if you asked the majority of my coworkers they’d tell you I’m not ADHD.
What they don’t see is me going home and sobbing on the floor from the sheer effort and desperation of trying holding my shit together and not fuck up in ways that I can’t fix. I’m terrified every fucking day that today will be the day I fuck up enough that I can’t hide how bad my brain actually is anymore and I’ll make a critical error and I’ll lose my job. I don’t have a backup plan or someone to catch me if I fail, I’ll just be homeless at the end of the month when I can’t make rent.
I’m unmedicated (working on it) and work is brutal. It doesn’t help that I disagree at a deep philosophical level with a lot of the people I work with, and I’m trans sill working the job and with the people I actively transitioned around. Every day is a fucking marathon. Only saving grace is that for half my day I’m able to wear headphones and am doing something that is both very physical and somewhat creative. That alone makes me want to keep the job even though the pay is shit (the reason I’m not medicated).
Oof, I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to work around people you deeply disagree with on a philosophical or moral level, and I won’t even pretend to understand your struggles as a trans person in this world. Good luck to you, and I hope you can find access to the medications or treatments you need.
Thanks for the kind words! Good luck to you too! I’m white, so honestly my day to day as a trans person is pretty neutral (not for long probably), it’s just odd being around people that I know struggle with actually seeing people as they want to be seen, especially when they knew the “old” you.
This is me. I have made some very expensive fuck-ups at work and lost my job several times because of my forgetfulness or missing details. Thankfully I’m medicated now, but the fear and anxiety is still deeply ingrained in me. I am the livelihood of my family. I pay our bills, the mortgage, car payments and insurance. Any mistake could mean my family and I will need to start hunting for the nicest bridge to live under.