If it helps, I think the people telling you to “Go on TikTok or Google it” are giving you bad advice anyway. I tried that for years and never got anywhere. Social media can be a really toxic place where there’s always someone prettier to make us feel insecure. I’d go on Pinterest and find really cute outfits the influencers were wearing, spend hours upon hours trying to track down their outfits at clothes stores, and inevitably get sad when I couldn’t find anything that was close enough to the reference, or even that actually fit. It didn’t help that I’m tall. And then when I could finally recreate an outfit, it would be Shien fast-fashion garbage that fit poorly, felt bad on my skin, and just didn’t look the same on me as it did for the Pinterest models. I wasted so much time and money on clothes back then, and social media had me chasing a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow only to find cornflakes. I think this is something all women, cis or trans, have to deal with to some extent in the modern era.

I’ve learned the hard way not to rely on other people to create my aesthetic. I’ve figured out which brands fit my body well and are high-quality, and I’ve built a wardrobe I’m proud of around those constraints. Sure, that means I’m not the perfect image of a goth girl or #darkacademia or whatever subculture is trending on Instagram these days, but goth is just whatever black clothes you have, makeup, and the right state of mind. I don’t have to be perfect or compete with actual models to be pretty or feel comfortable in my outfits and skin.