Well, so its this time of the year again, where I am staying at my parents place for about 2 weeks. Due to the fact, that they were semingly unwilling to accept me and my new name/pronouns I decided to go the confrontational way and start correcting them when they misgender/deadname me. I knew that this would spark some discussions, but oh boy I was not prepared that this would bring out what they really think about me. My mom literally said “I will not do something that I dont believe in” (they always said, that they were “accepting” me (they didnt, but they at least said so, looks like they dont even try to hide it)), but even worse I got to hear “You cant expect us to get used to this for those few times you visit”. Are you fucking kidding me? I am not more important than a slight inconvenience? You are really not understanding, that this isnt about something being worth it, but instead about your fucking child you raised? I have been here for literally one day and my motivation to stay has already dropped to zero. I am planning to leave at the end of the first week of January, but I guess I will probably leave shortly after new years eve (or maybe already at 30th since I have a perfect excuse for leaving that day). Worst of all: I dont even have weed anymore, so I cant even get stoned as fuck (even if it would only be in the evening) to make it a little bit more bearable. I had hope, that they somehow might still become more accepting once I require the new name/pronouns, but it looks like, this has only made them more hostile towards me. Only good thing is, that I will have the chance to avoid them for most of the day for the 25/26th. Wish me luck, that I can stand through this for one more week, I will try to get out of this as soon as possible.
Edit: Thank ya all for your kind words. I highly appreciate it.
If they can’t respect you, then you don’t visit / leave. That’s what I did with my father. You don’t have to accept that kind of abuse. You don’t have to cut them out, just set healthy boundaries and give them chances to better themselves. Really, for your own mental health, don’t put yourself through this, it’s not worth it, they clearly don’t respect you.
🫂🌸
So sorry you are going through this.
I don’t understand parents that are unwilling to be there for their children when all they are doing is being themselves. I mean fuck, they should be happy that you want to be your true self around them and not hide under a mask.
Also not having weed sucks!! I hope you can find a way out of there quick!
Merry xmas
Good luck! If it was a last name change for marriage would they be complaining about short term memory loss? I bet not. I hope you can spend the holidays with people who actually care about who you are and value your well-being :) leaving sooner than later sounds like a great idea.
Why stay at all? Can you just leave now? I would. Set the tone.
Luckily I get along with my parents a lot and I love them but if they said that to me, I’d be gone.
I can’t leave now and I kind of want to annoy them a little bit more to make my point clear. I will definitely leave earlier than planned and they will 100% get to hear the exact reason why I Am leaving earlier than planned.
I’d second this especially if she has accepting people in her life to celebrate with
Fuck em, time to find a new family
I put my foot down with all my family. I will loudly cut them off, ignore them if they address me with my deadname, awkwardly interrupt them and insist they change terms. I mean I just generally was as persistent and as annoying as possible. Made it very clear that they were gonna change or I was gone. In the end they got the message and adapted. It took a while though. Anyone who refused to adapt I cut out. I have 0 time or patience for someone who doesnt respect me. I have cut off friends and family who have been a part of my life since I was a young child because they wouldnt respect me. I’m not going to lower myself that way.
You deserve better than that. They dont deserve your respect if they will not respect you.
Fuck 'em. If they want their daughter in their life, they can learn who you are.
It sucks, but not as much as forcing yourself to be around people who want you to be someone you’re not.
Gee, I wonder why you visit so rarely?
Idk must be some weird random circumstances that prevent it every time.
That’s what gets me. “You visit so rarely, let me make it uncomfortable for you!”
I’m so sorry. You said you accept internet hugs, so please accept mine as well 🫂 and remember you can leave early.
I don’t talk to most of my family because they are incapable of understanding boundaries. I do not value having any kind of relationship with anyone other than my parents and sister. Everyone else has proven this incapability numerous times, including today.
Today, i received a text and an email saying “merry christmas” with a picture of an amazon delivery, at my former address.
At no point did I ever give them my address, or my phone number, or my email address. The only reason i know who it was, is that the gmail account that sent it has my hardcore MAGA grandfathers name next to the email address.
Point being, better to spend your time making yourself happy, than being miserable trying to make someone else happy.
Edit: missed the part about “financially dependent”, sorry if this misses the mark
I have the stance that being around ones children after they grow up is a privilege, not a right. I hope to remember this when I raise my kids and send them into the world, and cherish every time they come back to visit the nest.
I wish every parent was like that.
-Holiday hugs-
“You cant expect us to get used to this for those few times you visit”
that’s such a stupid statement. They probably have friends they met irregular as well and they remember their names.
Sorry Kuh that this shit happens to you. Let me give you some virtual hugs 🫂
tomorrow I met with my parents (AfD wähler and shit) won’t be nice, but I do it for my grandma, so I absolutely can feel you.
You cant expect us to get used to this for those few times you visit
They might as well say “we actively choose not to use your preferred name or pronouns when you aren’t around. We refuse put in any amount of effort to get used to it in the first place, how can you blame us for not being used to it?”
I won’t do something I don’t believe in
I mean if that isn’t explicitly spelled out idk what would be
I haven’t yet done my social transition (nor medical yet but soon). I can only imagine what you feel.
Wishing you the best (at least the best it can be right now), all I can offer is virtual hug 🤗
Hugs (even virtual ones) are always appreciated.
Nested parentheses in prose… Nice! 👍
Not a single semicolon though.
