Leaving my therapist last session she told me I should look into what a “low demand lifestyle” was. My first thought was “f u, no???” and my second thought was “okay but how do I actually incorporate these things?”
I would be grateful to hear how folks of all support need levels have incorporated this concept into their lives.
In my particular situation I have a huge amount of autonomy in my life so most of my struggles are from self demands. It’s a lot easier for me to act on demands from others (so long as I agree they are good demands, things that make sense or that I don’t really care about but care about the person asking so I can do it without too much resistance).
First thought:
My what? What’s one of those?
Second thought:
Oh, like when I lived off ayurvedic hemp milk I tweaked to provide all required nutrition, for over a decade, >90% of the time? (Or now, simplified keto-carn, or whatever other prior phases (toasted sandwiches, curries, wraps) where I make just the one simple thing for food most days).
Or like how I’m wallowing in mess I can barely recognise is there, failing to get support? :3
I guess I’d need to get my head around the concept more, before I can give a good answer.
Kinda seems like life’s always going to not be “low-demand”, no matter how I respond to my Pervasive Demand for Autonomy. Not enough anyway.
I think this is probably a vent so I’ll start with saying I hope you find something that works for you, comrade.
If you wanted a response to what you shared: I don’t think “low demand” means refusing demands as much as reducing the number of demands because choices have been made in advance and are consistently applied.
Wallowing in mess is actually high demand because you are constantly faced with it and the desire to do something about it, but it’s too overwhelming to start. A low demand approach might look something like deciding what parts actually need to be fixed and what parts are external and unhelpful. For example I read about someone who doesn’t fold their clean laundry. This sounds like torture to me because I need to know where things are, but for them it let them use the energy on other things that might have a higher priority. Years ago I let go of the idea of cooking every day which was a societal expectation. I still cooked all my own meals largely from basic ingredients (thus just as healthy as cooking everyday) but did it all at once instead of having to decide what to make each day, do the prep and cleanup each day, etc.
I often wonder/presume my ADHD (or something) counters my autism, in so far as it making the torture of the mess not present (as I imagine/observe in some autistic people). It also does not help with making a start on it. I don’t really see the mess, merely peripherally aware by deduction (so “wallowing” may have been misleading ~ it does not bother me, but I still feel the pressure from social expectation to do something about it (and that bothers me more ~ as well as contribute to the demand avoidance log-jam)). Things are where I put them, so I know where they are.
I’ve been trying for a couple years to get help tidying, since it has proven beyond my abilities; beyond several hurdles (and when I get past one [like physical ailments], I discover I’m still unable with more hurdles [like the executive dysfunction and demand avoidance]), but have so far failed at getting help too ([because, “hurdles”]) ~ or even getting someone to help me to get help. The aspiring idea being to hire a team to help, to get it all done at once, “rip the band-aid off”, rather than a prolonged suffering of some things moving, and not knowing where everything is, from the little bits of help here and there a rare few times from friends and family.
There’s a lot of little things that get taken care of, as necessity, to keep things functioning (like cleaning my blender jug and lid straight away, as part of the process of using it to make food ~ less demanding than later cleaning the dried goop left on it), but still “clutter” accumulates wherever else is not the minimum required spaces to do things. Much of it’s not really “clutter”, and more just the stuff I need around, preferring it kept at arm’s reach on the worktop, rather than out-of-sight-and-out-of-mind in cupboards that require extra effort (~ especially with the unreliable silly upwards opening cupboard doors I got left with here).
I had a visit from my uncle today (suspected fellow autistic ~ & mutually the relative we each get on best with in our family), who’s house is similarly chock-a-block “messy”. That’s a comfort. He’s even voiced his lack of concern about the mess, and how it feels at home for him, with his place “worse” with things being where he left them, in precarious piles all around, where one has to move carefully not to knock over. Much nicer than the (real or imagined) judgement of those who prefer this thing called “tidy” that I can barely conceive of (certainly not as they do), and who apparently find it easy to maintain that kind of “tidy” (which for the largest part I struggle to conceive of as anything other than making more work for themselves, with things they need “put away”, rather than on-hand).
When I got left here (about 5 years ago), the house was bare. And that in part left an unease. I felt more need to fill it with things, useful things (e.g. edible plants in the conservatory, tools and things for health), so that I would (and do) feel more at peace with the stuff, rather than everything unnervingly bare. … But I know there are some areas that have tipped the balance the other way, from comforting efficiency to impeding getting some stuff done. I sometimes wonder if some of it is subconscious intent to self sabotage, so I don’t have to do some of those things, since they lead me back to trauma triggering things and places (from when I was deeply betrayed and [(psychologically tortured by being)] denied autonomy while being promised it ~ long story).
Hopefully some parts of that ramble helped answer the original question a bit better now too.
Now since I’ve reminded myself… I’m likely going to go have some PTSD flashback “fun”. (Strong sarcasm ~ it’s not fun).