This is a kinda embrassing question to ask so pls don’t judge.
I did have moments where I like… went to the local library alone, or like an all day school trip or something…
But I never really like… explored outside alone… especially far from home…
So like… I feel scared about the idea of like… just going for a walk all by myself…
I realize I’ve always just asked parents to drive me somewhere so I never got a chance to just get in the habit of being by myself.
I don’t have a driver’s license so I don’t really have like a car to “retreat to”, if you know what I mean, like as in sort of “castle”.
How do I even “feel safe” just being outside on my own? For context I’m non-white so it’s… kinda intimidating… especially in the current context of US political atmosphere.
That sounds like me at 23. Do you by any chance have OCD? Or maybe autism? I would try asking for a diagnosis from a psychiatrist.
Just so you have hope. I am funtioning member of the society as in I can go out for groceries/doctor’s appointment etc. So don’t lose hope.
As for how, the hard truth is you will need exposure. It kinda never goes away (atleast for me) but it gets managable. I would recommend asking a friend to accompany you first few times and then try going out alone and slowly and gradually it will get better.
Another piece of advice that was kinda profound moment for me during my therapy. Try not to look for what went wrong in your past, I remember I was listing things to my psychiatrist about how my mom did this and my dad did that and she said: don’t dwel in past because you can never change it, instead think about what you can do today to make it better.
I don’t think I have autism, I can talk to my peers just fine, I just have separation anxiety because… idk I just never had to chance to be out in the world alone, like truely alone without a parent nearby.
OCD… probably… germophobia probably caused by my highschool looking very unsanitary and just Covid that sort of “flipped a switch” in my brain, constantly aware of all the “contaminations” around me.
I also don’t have autism but do have OCD. Although my psychiatrist did say I met the threashold for a formal diagnosis for autism but I declined.
Also OCD is way way more than just germophobia, for me i am a lot more obsessive than I have compulsions. I just to watch so many lectures and read books on body language, but in the end they didn’t really helped me as much as just forcing myself to have more exposure