Back when I was a teen I’ve had a rather weak immune system for quite a while. Once or twice a year I’d have a pretty rough cold and went to the doctor. One of the symptoms I described was a strange feeling inside my throat, like there’d be some foreign object stuck, that doesn’t belong. My cold got treated, I got better, but that object, it never went away.
A while later I went to the hospital due to acid reflux issues. It was a rough time, I woke up and felt sick almost everyday. Again I explained that there’s this weird feeling in my throat, like there’s a knot or something, but the doctors couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary and dropped it.
Fast forward another ~15 years. I’m in therapy, mostly group-settings, and there’s a therapist whom I’ve developed a very strong feeling of trust towards. Very unusual. At some point I’ve mentioned that weird knot in my throat and she tried to help me find out what it might be. Maybe it’s a metaphor? A knot that’s keeping my feelings away from my conscience? Or even a psychosomatic manifestation of that?
Nope to all of that. IT WAS MY FUCKING WAY TO BIG ADAM’S APPLE ALL ALONG! A constant source of gender dysphoria, “stuck in my throat”, since my body told my larynx to grow during puberty.
It’s so surreal, there’s sooo much stuff that just suddenly is so easy to explain, struggles that I’ve thought about for years and never got really satisfying explanations for.
Did you have an interesting “It-was-gender-dysphoria-all-along” experience?
PS: Is there a nice term to address everyone in this beautiful space? I’m a little hesitant to use something like “Hey girls!”, because I wouldn’t want to exclude anyone who doesn’t feel that close to the feminine side.
PSS: Is something wrong with this post? Please let me know.
I just took it all off fairly recently. I am working toward the more permenant solutions, but just getting rid of the werewolf hair felt amazing. Hell even sitting in the bath shaving my legs to maintain things afterwards feels amazing because that just so femme coded, and compared to the “haven’t ever shaved” situation, it just feels like basic maintenance now. The disgust at having body hair changed to the euphoria of “oh hey im doing that woman thing of shaving my legs in the bath like loads of women do”.
It’s not gonna be the exact smooth and soft feeling i want for a while, but even just the visual improvement when i look down, hell even just my arms, i like wearing tshirts now. I’m glad i did it.
Totally get it, the actually comfortable fit of a tshirt, without it shifting around constantly because of the layer of hair, is amazing
Its also significantly easier to moisturize, it felt like half the product i ever used was going to the hair and i was using less to achieve more, same for body wash
I took it all off in stages because i filled the damn tub just doing my legs with an electric razor, i referred to it as “shearing” 😅