I’ve always wondered this. Some people have trouble with dating because they try to go for people out of their league who don’t like them back. But society also tells us that we can’t choose who we are attracted to. Like for example, no one makes a “choice” to be gay.
So what happens when you’re only attracted to those out of their league that will never ever like them back?
Do the people with this issue still date? But when they date, they lie to their partner that they are into them? I have been on a couple of dates with someone I wasn’t into before. It make me incredibly guilty and dishonest that I did not like them back.
Curious as to the experience/thoughts of others.
Apologies if this is the wrong community. I will remove on request. Thanks.
A lot of people misunderstanding you I think.
So you, a regular person, is only attracted to very attractive people, maybe a small number of which you’ve seen in real life and most through media. What to do?
Welcome to the 21st century unfortunately. Your brain was trained on potential mates who were likely accessible, near by, and likely within the realm of being a good pair with you. You were not designed to be exposed to the “best” humanity has to offer on a global scale of billions. You have been spoiled so to speak, your sensitivity is all out of whack.
Solutions? First, don’t lie in a relationship, especially if you already know you’d feel like a fraud. One option is to follow your conscience of not lying and so not entering into intimate relationships at all (because the other almost certainly needs you to appreciate them in that way). Another is to fast from media a while. All of it. You’re in an unnatural situation (biologically speaking) the solution is going to seem extreme but essentially reducing your horizon back to potential relationships of ‘ordinary’ people and nothing beyond. Therapy helps too. Might not work, but you could be surprised.
Are ‘average’ people attracted to their ‘average’ partner. Yes. Attraction works in very different ways in many people. They know celebrities are more ‘attractive’ but the reality and closeness of the person they’re with is what’s more important to them and makes that attraction more ‘real’. Did cavemen find cavewomen attractive? Yes. It was all they’d ever seen. Your brain is on the same hardware version.
It sucks really but, to take an analogy, you’re stuck with your regular food at home with Michelin star chefs serving up masterpieces on TV 24hrs a day. You feel dissatisfied with what your kitchen has to offer. But you can’t afford a fancy restaurant.
Well. Comparison is the thief of joy. Turn the TV off (so to speak). Experiment with some new ingredients to see if you can surprise yourself with what’s on hand.
You should probably also fast from porn for a while (if that’s your thing).