(NSFW because I’m ranting due to voice dysphoria)
Like seriously, I was encouraged to just voice train for years to try and sound like a woman but even after 3 years of voice training nothing I tried helps and I still sound like a man who’s imitating a woman’s voice. My voice clearly doesn’t and will never pass without surgical intervention but the worst part is that people have told me I don’t need voice surgery and that my “fem” voice passes, bull fucking shit, I sent voice samples to a voice training sub on a throwaway account without telling them my gender just if it sounds masc or fem and most of them said my “fem” voice sounds masculine possibly slightly androgynous.
Also why would someone tell me my voice passes when it clearly doesn’t? That’s not being nice that’s lying to me, and maybe you have the luxury of being openly and visibly trans but I don’t, it can be a big problem if I speak up in the woman’s room and the other person there is a TERF who hears me and thinks I’m a man in the ladies room.
I already know that I’m going to get voice training advice on this post and with all do respect, I don’t want to hear it. If you read it online or heard it from a specialist I’ve probably tried it. The fact is voice training just doesn’t work for everyone, some people’s voices are just too damaged from hormone changes and mine is one of them 😔. I’ll never sound like the girl I appear to be without an expensive surgery, and seemingly one that no one in this goddamn community ever wants to discuss or promote. I wouldn’t even know about it existing if it wasn’t for the fact that I googled it randomly out of curiosity to find out if it even exists.
Sorry for this rand, voice dysphoria is really bad today. I thought talking about it would make me feel better but it didn’t really, just made me want voice surgery that much more 😭
Ok, first, to get some important things out of the way. Voice surgery, or even voice training isn’t ever necessary, or at least, it’s not something that someone else gets to tell you is necessary. It can help with dysphoria, and it can help with cis passing and avoiding transphobia, but even then, whether that makes it necessary is an entirely personal decision.
As for why people will tell you that your voice passes as cis? There are several reasons. First and foremost, for people who have known you a long time, they often, honestly just can’t tell anymore. Secondly, the whole pressure to cis pass that we push on to members of our community is not a positive thing. Like I said above, it’s something that people should be deciding for themselves based on their own needs. And I really feel uncomfortable being part of that pressure. So if someone asked me if their voice cis passes, I’d be very hesitant to answer, because the act of answering itself suggests that cis passing is a goal you should be seeking.
The way to get what you’re looking for from people here isn’t to ask them if you’re cis passing, it’s to ask people whose voices you find inspiring how they achieved various things. “How did you voice train? How do you shape your vowels like that? Who did you get VFS through?” etc. You’re not putting them on the spot and asking them to assess you and your validity, but asking them questions that can have objective answers, rather than subjective answers loaded with judgement.
Now, with all of that out of the way, I had VFS (in Australia), and whilst it hasn’t been perfect, it’s been a strong positive for me overall. The thing that got me wasn’t my day to day voice. It was androgynous, and people didn’t know how to read it, until they knew my name or saw what I looked like. The exception was when I was coughing, sneezing, or cheering/yelling. My voice training did nothing for those things, and I got VFS to help me with them. As a result though, my voice now cis passes, but it’s also quieter than it used to be. I can yell at my old volume, but making myself heard in a noisy restaurant, or in a workplace meeting without yelling is pretty much impossible now.
And the other consideration is that VFS isn’t a magic bullet. The way to think of it is that it will give you more for less from your existing vocal training. After VFS your training will take you further than you were able to achieve beforehand, which means that training is a worthy goal, whether or not you want VFS, and whether or not your voice can cis pass
You do have a point, when I said it’s necessary I meant from my situation where cis passing is extremely important due to risk of violence and my fear of violence, my dysphoria is a huge part but fear of being beaten for not passing is also very big. It’s happened before my picrew doesn’t have an eyepatch for style, I was attacked for being trans and it left me permanently blind in my left eye, and I wear an eyepatch to cover up my non-functional left eye. I know that the pressure to cis pass isn’t healthy and that in an ideal world it would only be about alleviating my dysphoria. It really sucks that I have to be afraid to speak in public because someone could clock me and get violent. I don’t mean to put people in difficult situations I was just scared and wanted to know in the moment if my voice sounded alright or if I was at risk of being clocked.
I know that VFS isn’t a magic bullet and I do know that training is still worthwhile, it has had an effect, it just isn’t enough on its own to make me sound not masculine. Which is why I’ve said I need it in order to be able to pass.