Already out on the road working. Probably going to be a long day.
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I have a lifetime of unprocessed trauma leaking into my every day life. I was put on antidepressants when I was 12 and weened myself off of them when I was 31. Taking the lid off Pandora’s box has overall improved my life but every once in a while something will trigger repressed emotions and I’ll have a period of a few days to a few weeks where I can’t stop crying. It’s pure, unfiltered grief. And it comes in waves.
This time it was Cyberpunk 2077. I had heard that this game was emotional, so I was prepared for the effect it was always going to have on me. Or at least I thought I was prepared. A particular storyline put a large hole in the dam holding everything back. I do appreciate it when a piece of media can punch a hole in my dam, as it needs to happen, but I sure am fucked up right now.
Crying in public and at work isn’t fun.
Cyberpunk 2077 is not a happy game, some quest lines have really grim themes, but perhaps it also allows some processing of difficult emotional stuff through the story. I haven’t finished it yet but there have been two quest lines that really struck me as well.
I’ve cried over Alexander the Warrior Jar in Elden Ring.
Games can have a strong impact on us.
I’m sorry to hear about your trauma. Hopefully you’ll find ways to work with it and things get easier over time. Lately I’ve watched a lot of videos from Patrick Teahan about CPTSD and recovery. I get comfort from his content and the validation feels important.
I’ve done some reading about CPTSD and it’s… surreal to read about something that so perfectly explains my situation. Autism itself isn’t a disability, but rather it’s CPTSD that does the disabling.
I’ll have to check out those videos. I appreciate the suggestion.
While Cyberpunk is indeed not a happy game I still greatly appreciate the maturity, the heavy themes, and the critiques of American society and capitalism. Even the romances are mature and well written.
Ooh I can see where Cyberpunk 2077 could do that. Hopefully everyone around you is understanding.
Luckily I haven’t had to explain it to anyone yet, as I am a security guard and spend the majority of my time at work alone. Security can be a great job for people on the spectrum. It’s important to note that unarmed security is the chill kind where you rarely have to actually deal with people.
I don’t have any interest in being an armed guard. That shit sounds stressful.