It has elements of a movie with a plot, but the producer should be fired, and half of the movie should’ve been left on the cutting room floor. Intersecting semi-independent storylines is nothing new in movie telling. But this movie struck me as the writers trying to be more clever than they actually are. I suspect they saw Pulp Fiction and decided they wanted to make something similar, but they tried too hard and failed spectacularly.

Sure, there’s a main plot that they could’ve worked with, but most of the characters and sidestories seem superfluous, and they should’ve been dropped in an effort to make this movie into a reasonable runtime. For example, the diner scene with the hobo-goblin and the heart attack could’ve been dropped in its entirety. It adds absolutely nothing to the story.

One of the first things I noticed was the overly campy acting. I know these actors from elsewhere, and I know that most of them are good actors who can act properly. It’s as if David Lynch told them to deliberately overact as if it was a highschool play. For example, when landing at an airport and being amazed at this magnificent new place, nobody looks like that. Nobody looks up and into the distance to take in the view IN THE FUCKING TERMINAL. Yay, I see a pigeon roosting next to a sign that says “Exit”.

Then there’s the matter of Chekovs Shoehorned Prop. And by that I mean the golf club in the meeting. Fine, you’re a bigshot director in an important meeting, and you like golf… bring your golf clubs with you. Yes, plural. Why did he bring just one? I don’t golf myself, but it is my understanding that you need a set to play golf. Ergo, he brought just one for some other purpose than golf. And if they were so invested in that particular meeting you try to be professional about it, and not leave the golf club on the table.

Then there’s the espresso snob during the same meeting. “NaPkIn!1, I mAy VoMiT bEcAuSe Of BaD cOfFeE!1”. Nobody reacts that voilently to what can probably at least be described as perfectly OK coffee, even if it’s not their favorite. I know a few coffee snobs, and when they’re heading something where they’re at risk of being served sub-par coffee, they bring their own. No point in putting on a show as if you’re a toddler.

And then there’s The Cowboy character. For starters, this is another one of those scenes they could’ve skipped altogether, but secondly, the way they set the scene is B-movie tier at best. Light bulbs don’t work that way. People don’t talk that way. And cowboys don’t dress that way. And nobody behaves that way. Any person instructed to go meet “The cowboy” would’ve just left as soon as this clown starts talking in riddles. “Yeah, no, fuck this.” Would’ve been the only appropriate reaction.

The dialogue is yet another point where the writers deserves to be curbstomped by a medium-sized ogre. Halfway through the movie I had given up on actually hearing characters speak substance in a realistic way. It had become clear that most of it would consist of pretentious and janky sentences that some 90’s writer thought sounded smart. I’m not a writer, but I’m sure I could’ve written better dialogue in primary school. “What if instead of having a normal conversation, everyone answers questions with a riddle?”

“Silencio! No hay banda!”…Yay, spanish theater scene. They spent way too long in that place just to find the purple cube. Seeing as she (one of the main characters, whose name I don’t remember because I don’t care enough about her) remembers part of the dialogue, does she go to the same theater and the same play all the time?

And then there’s the “Big Reveal”. It was yet another threesome drama with jealousy that resulted in a hit job. There’s a million ways of telling this story, most of them better than this movie.

David Lynch, I hear you’re a good at your job. But I have yet to see any proof of this other than movies that reek of “Trying too hard to seem smart”.