Guys. Why are numbers so god damn complicated in Japanese? lo!!!

Ok ok in English and other languages we have different names for numbers whether it’s one, two, three, or first, second, third, etc. But, that’s about it. In Japanese you have to pronounce numbers in so many different ways!

I need help! How do I remember what to use? Heck, I don’t even know what the other numbers are! Ok so I know the regular numbers, plus N-ばん for number one, number two, etc. But what’s “first”, “second”, “third” etc?

And what about dates? Age? Inanimate things? Things that are alive, whether they are small or big?

What are some good resources or good mnemonics that you use to remember all of that?