cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/31693938
I (trans man) have a best friend (cis man). Today, he texted me, saying that he encountered one of his friends (cis man) and the friend’s boyfriend (trans man).
While I see the friend’s boyfriend as quite androgynous leaning masculine, my best friend thinks he looks rather feminine and “just like a girl”.
He still is trying to understand LGBTQ stuff, especially since he has had a transphobic, homophobic upbringing.
Anyway, my best friend called the boyfriend “she”, so he replied with “I’m a guy, actually.”
This confused my friend, apparently, and he said “How was I supposed to know when he looks so feminine?”
What is some advice I can give my friend? He’s trying to understand, like I said, and I fully acknowledge and believe we are ALL guys. Everyone involved in this post. Me, my friend, his friend, and the boyfriend.
Give him the gentle primer, “Can’t always judge a book by it’s cover, if you make an honest mistake then accept the correction with a quick apology and move on. It does suck the first few times it happens because it feels very personal, but that’s how we train out our systemic biases so we can make better assumptions or know when to ask in the future. There’s no shame in learning.”