Other than getting access to medication, I’ve personally never quite understood what difference a diagnosis makes. Having an ADHD diagnosis is an explanation, not excuse. My dishes will remain undone independent of whether it’s due to laziness or executive dysfunction. What matters is what is, not why it is.
It makes a huge subjective difference for the person afflicted, and I say this from experience. Like OP said, it’s the difference between “I have a disease that causes X symptom” and “I’m a bad person for displaying X trait”. And that is the difference between proactively finding ways to deal with X versus blaming and punishing yourself for it, which in most cases will only reinforce X. So in addition to the person having greater self-respect and self-love and thus a greater quality of life, it also helps them to manage their condition, even in the absence of treatment.
The odds that your dishes will get done are higher if you understand that the reason you’re putting them off is because you have a condition and you need to be extra dilligent to compensate, as opposed to you telling yourself that you’re a lazy piece of shit who is too worthless to do something as simple as washing the dishes, and by the way, remember last week when you let the dishes pile up for days before doing them? Yeah, here you go being a slovenly swine again because that’s all you’re ever good for, you waste of oxygen. Nobody loves you and you’re going to die alone, so what’s the point of doing dishes anyway? Just keep living in the filth like you deserve, you disgusting animal.
That’s where my head used to take me pretty consistently before my diagnosis. Doing the dishes, making my bed, every simple chore brought down a cascade of self-humiliation and judgement, which in turn strengthened my executive dysfunction to the point where entire days would go by without a single productive task being done, no matter how small.
Now, I have trained to remind myself that completing the task is much better than dreading doing it, so I do it. I can’t credit the diagnosis alone for this, as I’m also on medication. But a proper diagnosis is the first step without which none of the others can be taken.
When you’re young, you’ll get criticized a lot for chores and develop a hypersensitivity to criticism because you’re always screwing up.
When you’re older, your partner will resent your “unwillingness” to do dishes and criticize it, which you will interpret as an attack on your character.
I’m a super productive person, but need coping mechanisms like detailed scheduling and division of tasks based on ability.
Other than getting access to medication, I’ve personally never quite understood what difference a diagnosis makes. Having an ADHD diagnosis is an explanation, not excuse. My dishes will remain undone independent of whether it’s due to laziness or executive dysfunction. What matters is what is, not why it is.
It makes a huge subjective difference for the person afflicted, and I say this from experience. Like OP said, it’s the difference between “I have a disease that causes X symptom” and “I’m a bad person for displaying X trait”. And that is the difference between proactively finding ways to deal with X versus blaming and punishing yourself for it, which in most cases will only reinforce X. So in addition to the person having greater self-respect and self-love and thus a greater quality of life, it also helps them to manage their condition, even in the absence of treatment.
The odds that your dishes will get done are higher if you understand that the reason you’re putting them off is because you have a condition and you need to be extra dilligent to compensate, as opposed to you telling yourself that you’re a lazy piece of shit who is too worthless to do something as simple as washing the dishes, and by the way, remember last week when you let the dishes pile up for days before doing them? Yeah, here you go being a slovenly swine again because that’s all you’re ever good for, you waste of oxygen. Nobody loves you and you’re going to die alone, so what’s the point of doing dishes anyway? Just keep living in the filth like you deserve, you disgusting animal.
That’s where my head used to take me pretty consistently before my diagnosis. Doing the dishes, making my bed, every simple chore brought down a cascade of self-humiliation and judgement, which in turn strengthened my executive dysfunction to the point where entire days would go by without a single productive task being done, no matter how small.
Now, I have trained to remind myself that completing the task is much better than dreading doing it, so I do it. I can’t credit the diagnosis alone for this, as I’m also on medication. But a proper diagnosis is the first step without which none of the others can be taken.
When you’re young, you’ll get criticized a lot for chores and develop a hypersensitivity to criticism because you’re always screwing up.
When you’re older, your partner will resent your “unwillingness” to do dishes and criticize it, which you will interpret as an attack on your character.
I’m a super productive person, but need coping mechanisms like detailed scheduling and division of tasks based on ability.