Welp I had this idea for a project that would have allowed me to write rust again. Prototype was solid but I had some improvements in mind. Then I managed to optimize the library to the point of complete redundancy… so now I don’t have a project again…

Dear Mallow!

Being indoors is great! It’s climate controlled, free of predators trying to eat you, has food, water, AND the humans clean up your poop after you! You should come on inside!

End letter to mallow

I’m doing…okay. We’re going to go get apples today and I’ll make apple butter soon. The kitten is doing okay although it’s like, time for her to whine about…idk. Cat stuff.

Mother’s cat is good. Mother’s cat is a nudge though and needs all all all my attention lately. I’m hiding in the living room with the kitten.

The kitten is going eeeeee and aaaaaaa (whining)

Maining ghoul in dbd

An entire week without alone time sounds miserable. Hope you get a reprieve soon, homie.

I hope you’re able to get that alone time soon, and I wish you the best of luck in hanging on until then!

Alone time is something that’s been on my mind quite a bit recently. It seems like I’m the only person I know irl who actively seeks out time alone. Most people i know seem to dread the prospect.

I hear people use phrases like “I am stuck in my head” or “being around other people helps me get out of my head”. To me, the idea of your own head being something so bad that you want to avoid is horrifying. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved having time alone to organize my thoughts and like, do maintenance on my mind. To review memories, get them all organized and solidified in my head. To try to evaluate myself as objectively as possible. To directly confront ugly and painful thoughts and work through them. To update my impressions of other people. To make predictions and forecasts as best as I can, to mentally prepare for things. Not as in psychic visions or anything like that, but like a chess player tries to predict the opponents moves. Stuff like “I got invited to my friend’s Halloween party, but he’s also friends with this guy I don’t like, so there’s a good chance he will be there too. I better be prepared to be civil and neutral and try to avoid him”, which is way better than just showing up and being surprised.

Alone time has been hard for me to come by the last few months too, and I can feel it. It’s like I’m floating, disconnected from reality. I’m being reactive rather than proactive in my life. I’m normally known for having a great memory, but lately I’ve been forgetting things or worse, incorrectly remembering things. I have always been aware of the fallability of all human memory and tried not to rely on mine too much, but I e been disappointing myself lately. I’ve started journaling to try to structure what alone time I have, to be more effecient, and to have a record to use to help my memory. I’m not sure if it’s working.

I’m curious to hear about yours, or any other people’s experiences.