Now I’ll never know what people mean when they say “those cupcakes won’t fill a sauna”!

Starship Troopers isn’t a smart movie pretending to be a dumb movie, it’s a moderately intelligent movie with pretensions of being a smart movie pretending to be a dumb movie.

Robocop, on the other hand, is a masterpiece.

George Lucas is one of a handful of people on the planet where you can accurately say “They ruined my childhood.”

Like, if you’re a massive fan of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles but hate the most recent incarnation, you can still go back and watch the original. Lucas has gone out of his way to make that more difficult for Star Wars fans. It’s an impressive level of aggression and back-stabbery for the people who made him wealthy to begin with.

Did you quietly apologize to the pork?

A panini press is well worth the investment.

Dante’s Inferno, or, That Time I Went to Hell and My Favorite Classic Poet Was There to Give Me a Tour and I Got to See All My Least Favorite People Being Horribly Tortured.

They got her early. She had a few solid credits to her name when she did Iron Man 2, but the smart MCU move at that point was to recruit young-ish talent and get them signed on for multi-movie contracts relatively cheap. Hopefully what we all get out of that sort of arrangement is that talented actors make enough MCU money to go off and do whatever out-there artsy stuff that creatively appeals to them and fosters their talents, rather than having to plug away in garbage movies just to pay the bills.

My theory is that Jupiter Ascending was supposed to be a trilogy, but the studio would only approve one movie with a wait-and-see approach to the second and third installments, and the Wachowskis just said “Fuck it,” and crammed 6+ hours of plot and world building into a two-hour movie.

The idea did occur that I’d better be damn sure that I like whatever honey I’ll be eating for the rest of my life.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila.

—Mitch Ratcliffe

Good news!

Don’t get me started on Horizon: Forbidden West. It was a beautiful game. It also had every gameplay problem the first one did, and added several more to boot. The last half of the game was fucking tedious, and I basically finished it out of spite.

We’re in the era of Sinisterization

I swear I saw a chart where a DM could roll to choose from a list of heartbreaking things to find in a dead NPC"s pockets. Stuff like the letter from OP, a small stuffed animal, a certificate showing that the NPC was a noteworthy donor to the local orphanage, that sort of thing. Baldur’s Gate 3 is absolutely riddled with these things.

Where Is My Mind?

The trailer for Dragon Wars promised me scenes of dragons fighting attack helicopters. This scene did appear in the movie… for about thirty seconds. The rest was an incomprehensible mess of flashbacks within flashbacks and Korean folklore that amounted to very little.

Feel like this image would have hit differently back in ~1999 when it was first published.

SLXPLOVS

Step 1: Ban porn.

Step 2: ???

Step 3: Profit