Currently the amount of Dysphoria I have is relatively low and while this sounds kinda nice it makes transitioning more difficult. I know that I am trans, but due to having little Dysphoria I dont always have recent “evidence” of being trans (I know for sure I am trans, but Dysphoria is kind of like the most obvious sign of being trans), it always feels like I am “faking” it. I know how bad my Dysphoria has been, I do sometimes have minor to medium levels of Dysphoria, I have one hell of a backlog (even written down), but since all of this happened quite some time ago, it feels like it was just a phase (which it isnt).
The main problem this causes is, that actually transitioning now gets extra hard, because this current state of not having to do that much is relatively comfortable. I know that I want to transition, but especially when thinking about doing DIY it becomes extra scary, because in the hypothetical case, that I am not trans doing HRT has long term consequences. And since my Dysphoria is so small it is not enough of an incentive to rush through transition and actually do something.
So basically, my mind is annoying and makes me think that I am not trans, due to lack of Dysphoria.
that’s a weird place to be in. generally i’d say don’t rush things you are uncertain about. buuut i know that feeling of being certain about being trans, but being a bit worried because i can’t feel it clearly and all the time. i go through, because everytime i ask myself, whether i wanted to further age under T, the answer is always no. this fear sometimes goes to sleep i guess, when i’m okay, busy or cozy but it never goes away.
this is a kind of abstract instant dysphoria, i can check my feelings with. luckily without getting to depressed, because in that scenario, there’s a solution.