Currently the amount of Dysphoria I have is relatively low and while this sounds kinda nice it makes transitioning more difficult. I know that I am trans, but due to having little Dysphoria I dont always have recent “evidence” of being trans (I know for sure I am trans, but Dysphoria is kind of like the most obvious sign of being trans), it always feels like I am “faking” it. I know how bad my Dysphoria has been, I do sometimes have minor to medium levels of Dysphoria, I have one hell of a backlog (even written down), but since all of this happened quite some time ago, it feels like it was just a phase (which it isnt).
The main problem this causes is, that actually transitioning now gets extra hard, because this current state of not having to do that much is relatively comfortable. I know that I want to transition, but especially when thinking about doing DIY it becomes extra scary, because in the hypothetical case, that I am not trans doing HRT has long term consequences. And since my Dysphoria is so small it is not enough of an incentive to rush through transition and actually do something.
So basically, my mind is annoying and makes me think that I am not trans, due to lack of Dysphoria.
You’re really gonna call me out like this? On my Lemmy?
- you don’t have to have dysphoria to be trans (just wanting to be the opposite gender or having gender euphoria is enough)
- self awareness of dysphoria is often not great, esp. when it’s so common to repress or re-interpret dysphoria as something else (I lived decades without realizing I experienced any distress from my gender, I denied and repressed it sufficiently - it’s possible your “I’m not trans because I don’t have dysphoria” is an example of this)
- you don’t have to transition or do anything, but you also don’t have to worry that much about HRT’s long term consequences, you can always take it for a few months and quit if you don’t like it or it makes you depressed, etc. and you were wrong - or if you find you enjoy it immensely, you can continue with transition and know that you’re “trans enough” from the fact you feel good on cross-sex hormones (which cis people do not experience, as I understand it). Regardless, I think you’re building HRT up more than it actually is, you can use it as a diagnostic, and its effects are not generally permanent until you’ve been on it for 3 months; and even then, worst case scenario is you have gynecomastia, which you can get access to care to fix if you turn out to be cis (not that I think that’s likely given the evidence you have presented); I will note that EEn is not a good ester as a diagnostic, because it takes so long to get your initial E levels up that it can be hard to fit a diagnostic timeline within that 3 month period, for that reason I would recommend estradiol valerate as an ester for the initial test period (which will spike E levels and has a half-life of 3.5 days), and then switch to EEn if you realize you want to continue estrogen long-term
Have you considered that maybe you’re genderfluid? Perhaps your dysphoria is more present when your gender is more trans
I have considered it, and no I’m definitely not Genderfluid.
Fair enough, you know yourself best.
I’m genderfluid, and never really felt a whole lot of dysphoria, but a lot of euphoria when presenting as trans. I’ve been on HRT for about a year now, and while my identity hasn’t changed, I’m so much happier in myself and I definitely made the correct decision for me. It took me a long while to take that leap, and my only regret is not doing it sooner - but in hindsight, I think I did know a long time ago. My approach was to do more and more non-medical transition steps and finding each one helped me along the way, so maybe try out the less permanent things and see how you feel
that’s a weird place to be in. generally i’d say don’t rush things you are uncertain about. buuut i know that feeling of being certain about being trans, but being a bit worried because i can’t feel it clearly and all the time. i go through, because everytime i ask myself, whether i wanted to further age under T, the answer is always no. this fear sometimes goes to sleep i guess, when i’m okay, busy or cozy but it never goes away.
this is a kind of abstract instant dysphoria, i can check my feelings with. luckily without getting to depressed, because in that scenario, there’s a solution.
