Currently the amount of Dysphoria I have is relatively low and while this sounds kinda nice it makes transitioning more difficult. I know that I am trans, but due to having little Dysphoria I dont always have recent “evidence” of being trans (I know for sure I am trans, but Dysphoria is kind of like the most obvious sign of being trans), it always feels like I am “faking” it. I know how bad my Dysphoria has been, I do sometimes have minor to medium levels of Dysphoria, I have one hell of a backlog (even written down), but since all of this happened quite some time ago, it feels like it was just a phase (which it isnt).
The main problem this causes is, that actually transitioning now gets extra hard, because this current state of not having to do that much is relatively comfortable. I know that I want to transition, but especially when thinking about doing DIY it becomes extra scary, because in the hypothetical case, that I am not trans doing HRT has long term consequences. And since my Dysphoria is so small it is not enough of an incentive to rush through transition and actually do something.
So basically, my mind is annoying and makes me think that I am not trans, due to lack of Dysphoria.
I’m genderfluid, and never really felt a whole lot of dysphoria, but a lot of euphoria when presenting as trans. I’ve been on HRT for about a year now, and while my identity hasn’t changed, I’m so much happier in myself and I definitely made the correct decision for me. It took me a long while to take that leap, and my only regret is not doing it sooner - but in hindsight, I think I did know a long time ago. My approach was to do more and more non-medical transition steps and finding each one helped me along the way, so maybe try out the less permanent things and see how you feel