I’m not sure if this is an ADHD related thing so I want some feedback.
For the longest time whenever I try to communicate an idea, a process, a plan, a piece of information … I’m oftentimes either not taken serious or people misunderstand me.
I know for myself that I sometimes skip steps in my explanation because I feel they’re too obvious to bother explaining. But sometimes it’s ridiculous to the point where I feel like people are out to dismiss me not on the basis of the information I’m providing.
Does this resonate with anyone?
Edit: thanks for all the feedback! This has given me some material to work with.
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Communicating effectively is a skill that requires feedback and practice to hone. Try to find a couple of people which you trust to give you honest constructive criticism.
Additional advice: before starting, think carefully about what is the assumed knowledge of the audience (what are you sure they know already, what you m should you double check on).
For training, explaining something simple to someone that doesn’t know about it is a great first step. Encourage feedback and questions.
“Stop talking down to me.” - willfully ignorant person.
Seriously though, that is great advice and involves continual practice.
I have ADHD and love explaining things and it took years of practice to get an idea of what level of detail to get into depending on the audience. The main thing is to always approach it as sharing knowledge, not telling someone else to think. The difference isn’t obvious, but at a basic level asking if they have thought of something a certain way just lands better than telling them something as if it was a fact even when it is a fact. In a group setting sprinkling in words like ‘maybe we should’ and ‘what if we did’ make being listened to more likely. I think it is stupid because it is working around people’s default rejection of finding out they don’t know or are wrong about something, but apparently it is necessary for most people.
Also making sure to keep a slow pacing helps immensely. I tend to speed up as I go and sometimes have soneone I trust give me hints I’m going too fast so I can slow back down again.
Now I get asked to explain technical things to non-technical people, which is fun most of the time.
i feel like i’m manipulating people when i adjust my language like this…which i guess manipulation js all human communication is but still…idk, feels weird
Same, but non-malicious manipulation isn’t a negative and most people do that kind of thing subconsciously all the time. Like someone being friendly in the elevator despite having a rough morning because it puts other people at ease.
Apparently we are cursed to overthink these kinds of things.
Helpful. Slow pacing isn’t easy especially with the risk of forgetting the bigger picture. I’m trying to learn it.
What helps me is trying to put ‘their’ idea in a different perspective or scale to match what I want them to see. If I still have some time before losing them, maybe add few comparisons.
I forgot what I ultimately wanted to say because typing took over lol.
Because the vast majority of people do not argue based on information but on their personal feelings, relying heavily on fallacy in an attempt to reaffirm their own perspectives rather than come to an understanding. This is just how human minds are predisposed to function with our internal logic due to inherent flaws of human psychology. Most people never bother with the practice of introspection to correct these internal biases because they don’t even know that they exist. They think their logic is sound, and it is your job to “prove them wrong”.
Taking classes in college around how to design, essentially, political propaganda to influence people into supporting your legislation (I went to school for wildlife conservation and a lot of that degree is fucking with politics to get legislation passed) really opened my eyes to this.
So proof is mostly useless, because people will just say: “this random quote from the bible says this.”, which is just a reworded: “fuck you, your opinion doesn’t matter, because you don’t get an erection when reading a bible” or something equally stupid.
Being an ex-brainwashy this hits particularly funny 🤣
not sure if I have ADHD, but I am autistic.
I hate it when I say one thing without stuttering or mis-speaking even a little and the person I’m talking to responds to the exact opposite of what I said
Yeah.
I’ve been working on this, even started to believe I’d gotten good at it.
And still, I’m sitting here this weekend feeling really worthless because I tried to deal with a group of upset people and they took my efforts to help and attacked, judged and rejected me for it.
And I know all of what went on, I know exactly what I’d say to someone who is where I am right now and it doesn’t help me today. I hope I feel better tomorrow.
Upset people are impossible to deal with. I commend you for even trying!
A lot of people are very difficult to communicate with. My least favorite pathologies are
the fascist type, who just skims over what you said to find justification for what they already believed and dismisses everything else
the slopchild¹ who reflexively reacts to concepts and can’t comprehend that something is a critique or a discussion of how to cope with, just vibing on the idea and using that as an excuse to lash out
And the pure tool who thinks only in terms of social disapproval with a kind if neurotic fervor so quick to judge they don’t process full sentences.
Those people are impossible. I’ve just given up on trying to communicate with them linguistically. Sometimes i use music or violence, which aren’t terribly precise, and does not tend to make me friends. Especially not music.
¹referring to their mental state, not their age. You’d think this was a function of trauma, but it doesn’t seem to be immediately so in most cases. Its like larping PTSD.