I am someone who’s dysphoria is best described as biochemical. Today I was falling down an Internet rabbit hole and landed on the use of androgenic anabolic steroids in athletes. Decided to check if there was research done on female athletes.
Behold: the symptoms of biochemical dysphoria in cisgender women! Turns out lady brains don’t appreciate testosterone. I’m pretty sure reading that a couple of decades ago would have sent my life in a very different direction.
I’m pretty sure they transitioned around 18 years ago. I just remember once when we were both extremely drunk (I’m talking 3 bottles of cheap Italian red each drunk) me asking them what was wrong because they looked troubled and them blurting out either “I want to be a fucking woman” or “I’m a fucking woman” stumbling off to bed and passing out.
I’ve since tried to look them up by both their given name and the feminine version of that name, but both are extremely common in Britain and their surname is even more common (especially where they’re from where it is possibly the most common surname). So adding their home town to the surch terms doesn’t help.
I just feel like if they knew we’d be able to reconnect, but I guess I’ll never know. It just hurts that someone could think of me as someone who wasn’t safe to come out to.