I am someone who’s dysphoria is best described as biochemical. Today I was falling down an Internet rabbit hole and landed on the use of androgenic anabolic steroids in athletes. Decided to check if there was research done on female athletes.
Behold: the symptoms of biochemical dysphoria in cisgender women! Turns out lady brains don’t appreciate testosterone. I’m pretty sure reading that a couple of decades ago would have sent my life in a very different direction.
I often describe me discovering myself being trans as realising 1+1=2 as the signs in my life had been obvious. Sometimes you just need that one critical piece of information and if you don’t have that, sadly that’s that. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Celebrate yourself finally discovering it
It’s just a relief to know that a lot of my problems could be solved by ordering “aromatherapy oil” from a different country. Lol
When I was 19/20 (decades ago) I moved to the city to go to University. One of my housemates came out as trans many years later, and a few years before me, but while we were in the house, both of us were closeted and in denial.
He and I used to sit on the front deck of the house, playing cards and talking in to the night. I often wonder what would have happened in both of our lives if at any point, we had have got to talking about gender, and felt comfortable coming out to each other (and ourselves) way back then.
But, we didn’t have that conversation then… We both still found our way though. You will too :)
I had a friend like that, but they dropped all contact after moving. I assume they were also trans based on my own situation, hindsight, and a couple of comments they made when extremely drunk. But back then I thought they had gone into rehab and saw me as a “person, place or thing” that encourages debauchery… Because I did. NGL.
I had one of those friends too. I had no idea, until I came out, and then they started asking a lot of vague questions, and even talked about having experiences similar to when I talked about my experience with dysphoria. But then one day, they blocked me everywhere and cut me off.
I’m guessing because they decided that they can’t come out in their life, and didn’t want me being a reminder to them… But I don’t know if that was why, because they just dropped me without any communication.
I’m pretty sure they transitioned around 18 years ago. I just remember once when we were both extremely drunk (I’m talking 3 bottles of cheap Italian red each drunk) me asking them what was wrong because they looked troubled and them blurting out either “I want to be a fucking woman” or “I’m a fucking woman” stumbling off to bed and passing out.
I’ve since tried to look them up by both their given name and the feminine version of that name, but both are extremely common in Britain and their surname is even more common (especially where they’re from where it is possibly the most common surname). So adding their home town to the surch terms doesn’t help.
I just feel like if they knew we’d be able to reconnect, but I guess I’ll never know. It just hurts that someone could think of me as someone who wasn’t safe to come out to.
