I realized how many extra steps I was going through to mask, and that the end product, behavior, was made off wildly wrong assumptions about what people or situations expected of me. And when I realized that, I wanted that fucking time and energy back. I found my own language to describe my own thoughts and feelings and just put that out there. It’s weird and vulnerable at first but my doctor seemed to understand. Meds made space in my brain to learn and unlearn different things. Stimulants helped get through the turmoil of chores. Anti-anxiety made the urge to please quieter. It’s my life, I want to feel good in it, as authentic as possible, as comfortable and natural. I didn’t know the color of my hair, had been dying it for 30 years, that was a nice surprise. Like they said, make the best of this, you should feel good. If something is hard, figure it out so it’s easier from here on forever, think if how good it will feel when the hard thing today is easy. Reduce sugar