I’ve been wondering this for a long time. I, a 19 year old with level 1 Autism, am very young for my age. A lot of people tell me I look like I’m 12, as I do not wear makeup or dress like most women my age. I also don’t use the slang that everyone else seems to use. For example, my younger sister is always using the terms, “chat,” “peak” and “67.” I know what most of it means, but don’t see the point in saying it.
However, I am the most young for my age when it comes to my interests. For example, most people my age would ask for new clothes, makeup, and jewelry for Christmas, whereas I asked for toys and imported candies lol. My special interests include coloring, writing, playing with baby dolls, and watching small clips of TV shows on Nickelodeon (I rarely get through the full episode lol). Most of these things are designed for younger children, but surprisingly, most of these interests developed as I got older.
My love for coloring really didn’t start until my senior year of high school. I was in a special education Employability Skills class, and in the class were 5-7 students with various needs. I got along with most of them, however, I noticed that they all acted their age, used slang, etc. There were only two students that acted younger than they were, and one of them would have constant meltdowns and scream every time something didn’t go her way, so she and I never got along. The other kid, However, acted very young for his age. I found out later on that he was in a special needs classroom, as he can not read or write and has some other learning disabilities. One day, he asked our teacher if she had any coloring pages or supplies, and suggested she get some for the classroom. As he and I have had fun together in the class before, I told him that I would love to color with him sometime. We never did anything in that class anyway, except for play Uno, which is basically how we became friends.
The next few months, he began giving me coloring sheets and paper, Saying he got it from his other classrooms. I asked what he does in there As those classrooms have always interested me, but I was never put in there. He really couldn’t describe it to me, and he can’t read or write, and isn’t really interested in what he does in those classes.
Anyway, he and I are best friends now. However, my mother was constantly on my ass about not being too close to him, as he is three years younger than me and seemed to have a crush on me for a while (I found out later that this was because he has never had any friends that were really nice to him, and I am his only friend as of now). My love for baby dolls has always been a thing, I started playing with them and haven’t stopped. I just find it so much fun.
I originally wanted to go to school to be a preschool teacher or special education teacher, but my dad hindered me, as he said to me, “You can hardly advocate for yourself now, I just can’t see you being able to get a group of kids to sit and listen. Don’t let me sway you though, you can become a teacher if you really want to.” This did sway me, and I decided I want to be an author instead. That’s where my love of writing came on.
However, I always use what I call “special needs language” when it comes to doing adult skills (Going to doctors appointments, making phone calls, going to places myself, etc). I get super worried about everything, as when I first became an adult, my mom kind of just threw me out into the world (she literally booked my doctors appointment, walked me into the lobby, and halfway to the reception desk, handed me her insurance card and told me that I need to check myself in because “I’m an adult now.” Then when the nurse called my name, she had me go back by myself. After that, she took me to a gas station to get something for my sister. She sent me in by myself, as she was getting gas. She gave me the money and off I went. Then later, we went to our final stop, the pharmacy. My mom gave me an option this time. She asked me if I would like to pick up my medication, or observe how she did it. Being on the roll that I was on, I chose to pick up my medication, despite never doing it before and not knowing how, And also to impress my mother with all the adult stuff I could actually manage in a day without taking a break and prove I could handle it. This day taught me loads of adult skills, but also that I needed to be young for my age.
Despite knowing all these skills, I still feel super worried whenever I have a doctor’s appointment. Going in and back myself, waiting for the nurse to call my name, getting tests and sharing information gets me all frenetic. The only way I get through it is by using my “special needs language,” where I basically break the tasks down into childlike descriptions (for example, instead of “Checking yourself in and sharing information,” I would use, “Greet the receptionist. Let them know you have an appointment with the doctor at the scheduled time. Tell them your name. Sit down and wait.” I used to use social stories, but stopped after my parents found out (For some reason, I hate when people find out my coping strategies, and prefer to do my own thing). Breaking down tasks into a more understandable way really helps me complete them without feeling so worried. Afterwards, I give myself a high five and feel more relaxed.
I also use what I call a “token board,” at school, Where I basically Break a piece of paper into five sections (20 squares total). Each five stickers I get, I give myself a prize. However, The prizes are labeled, And the more stickers I get, the better the prizes become. This helps me do adult skills, while also teaching me to wait for prizes.
My parents used to spoil me whenever I did something good (like talk to someone new or get good grades in school). Every little thing was praised and I got rewarded constantly. I told my mom later on that she really shouldn’t do this as it’s made me entitled, And she just said, “But look at how far you’ve come!” While this is true, my talking/good behavior was not because I was spoiled or on anxiety medication, but rather because I changed my lifestyle and also taught myself adult skills in a child like fashion.
Is anybody else like this? I noticed a lot of people with autism have younger special interests or use more child like concepts when doing adult skills.
It is mostly a myth that Autistic people are developmentally behind. In my experience it is caused by bad parenting combined with Autistic people who never really learned to mask. You are probably way more mature than you think you are and I would hazard to guess that many of your problems are tied to self confidence. Try to be self sufficient and don’t be bothered by what other people think. If you can, set out some short and long term goals for your own independence. Sometimes parents aren’t the best influence.
Another thing is that from my experience many Autistic people tend to be fairly mature at a very young age. I’ve had technical discussions with 5 year olds as weird as it sounds. The problem is the masking skills you learn to do as a 1st grader don’t work as you get older. I had issues going though school as I would learn how to fit in for my age and then everything would change.
To answer the question directly:
Yes, so common its a textbook level stereotype.
But i am willing to argue what it really is, because as i have come to realise a definite line between child and adult hood does not actually exist.
As people grow older social life becomes more complex and how hou are perceived plays a big role. People are thought that acting grown up is good and are belittled for acting childish.
Teens eventually distance themselves from their childhood as an attempt to seem more mature to their peers. Even if they secretly really stil love that thing.
Autists often lack the luxury to do this, your same aged peers have seen through your young mask time and time before, they know your different you are already an outsider.
Because you don’t have a high social standing that you can lose on a whim it matters less if people continue to see you “being weird” and you found you really like those things… in a world where there are many things you don’t.
But its not that autism directly makes you like things we deem childish, its that we are more honest about what we like, and society is following us here. Just have a look at all the Pokémon and Hogwarts stuff for adults. Spongebobmemes.
Adults who play is decreasingly no longer a taboo and the stereotype will fall.
But there is also the related stereotype of having friends outside your age group. Basically for those people it’s easier to mask.
Younger kids see a cool older kid that isn’t belittling them for being kids and even plays with them. You’re the coolest person in the world for them if you do that.
Older people just see a young inexperienced someone all the way while being experienced enough to be less judgmental and more practical socially. They have no need or desire to be rude at you because you are not competing for a social standing like teens are in school.
Diagnosed as an adult but I was always told I look several years younger than my actual age. One of my first jobs in foodservice at age 16, one of the porters in the back of house asked me if I was 12 lmao. I also got away with getting reduced price dinners off the kids menu at restaurants til I was in my mid to late teens. And people are still surprised when I tell them my age. They always clock me for being younger.
I also didn’t really “grow out” of kids stuff like watching cartoons/anime (my special interest is hand drawn animation), playing video games, and drawing.
While my interests and hobbies makes me not share a lot of things in common with most people I interact with day to day IRL, that’s okay with me, I’m mostly a loner anyway.
I’m not autistic, and neither are my friends, but we are nerds who generally work in tech or adjacent fields. most of us watch anime and play video games, and I feel like it’s more accepted in general society now to do so as an adult. So in general I’m not sure those interests mark you as being young for your age anymore
I am similar, I have friends, but we are so different. Most of them are into more age appropriate stuff.
Autism is classed as a developmental disability, so yes, it is quite common.
As a man, I have always looked older than my actual age. I don’t remember whether I acted older tho, probably not, but I don’t think I was too childish, or seen as, during my teenage years. I was definitely “the weird kid” tho.
Breaking down tasks into a more understandable way really helps me complete them without feeling so worried. Afterwards, I give myself a high five and feel more relaxed.
Breaking down a complex task into simpler parts is a good skill. Anyone can make complex shit, not everyone can simplify things without losing “the meat” of it.
when I first became an adult, my mom kind of just threw me out into the world (…) She asked me if I would like to pick up my medication, or observe how she did it.
I guess the upbringing makes a world of difference in this situation. I was being “trained” on being an adult early on, as I often followed my mom to many places as a kid, including pharmacies, stores and markets, so through observation I learned how to behave in those places. If she gave me the money and a list, I could easily go to the market and buy the stuff.
There were other things that I wasn’t taught and had to learn myself, such as “you do NOT put wet clothes on the drawer. Ironing them will NOT dry them”. Did that once after I manually washed some of my clothes, because my mom never thought about teaching me something as basic as washing my clothes. After this incident, she insisted that I always leave clothes washing to her.
I also use what I call a “token board,” at school, Where I basically Break a piece of paper into five sections (20 squares total). Each five stickers I get, I give myself a prize. However, The prizes are labeled, And the more stickers I get, the better the prizes become. This helps me do adult skills, while also teaching me to wait for prizes.
Mobile games’ strategy, but applied to real life. I wish I had that amount of discipline!
Some of us are not fortunate enough to have good parents. Mine personally aren’t all that bad but it is something to keep in mind.
It sounds like you’re doing well on learning your adult skills. You should be proud of the independent things you’re learning to do! I like that you reward yourself for doing things, even if others don’t - that’s a part of the “self care” that a lot of older adults have to teach themselves.
Yes, it’s normal for those on the spectrum to not line up with their age bracket. I was the opposite as a kid, always seeming older than my age. Nowadays (in my mid-30s) I’m often mistaken for somebody much younger. I often find adults to be tiring and boring, but children are full of curiosity - just like me.
It took decades to learn the social skills and emotional regulation that I didn’t have in my youth. I imagine you’ll probably learn a lot over the coming decades as well. Don’t worry too much about matching with your age - getting along with people who are different from you is a special trait. When I was your age, I was the youngest person in my workplace, and my favorite coworker was the oldest person there. At first I felt weirded out by people my age (since I wasn’t into partying and drinking and drugs, like they were.) But I’ve grown to understand them, even if I never got into their lifestyles.
Coloring is an activity that many adults have gotten into as of late as well, or at least that people talk about more. My girlfriend has coloring books. When we’re together, we often get creative and do crafts, but she has the coloring books for when she wants something that requires less cognitive energy (you don’t have to plan out as much on a coloring page than when drawing from scratch.) If that’s what makes you happy, go for it! They make adult coloring books for a reason.
I’d also say, you don’t have to give up on your dreams of being an educator. However, taking the time to learn life skills for yourself is a prerequisite. I work with autistic preschool and young elementary school age kids today, but I wouldn’t have been able to do this at your age. The years of learning how to handle myself mean that I can now “pay it forward” for the kids I work with, to teach them things that I had to learn the hard way. Learning psychology has gone a long way as well, as I have more knowledge of techniques that help guide little ones toward the right decisions.
Anyway, my comment’s kind of all over the place, but I have to leave for work in a few minutes and just wanted to reassure you. You sound ordinary for a fellow spectrumite. Keep doing what makes you happy, but keep educating yourself as well. Good luck. :)
Thank you! I am very excited about gaining all these new skills.
Undiagnosed autism but high functioning, mood 40s and I still play video games and watch anime, and kids ask to play with me. They aren’t always up for being picked up and carried (they were when I was a teenager and in my 20s) but they will bring me a ball to throw with them or offer me a crayon or marker if they’re coloring.
Same with me, kids always want me to play with them lol
I don’t know, but it seems consistent with my observations, although I have also seen people on the spectrum have really adult interests, often with very tight focus (eg. Narrow area of history).
I also think you should be proud of your coping strategies. From what you have told, I suspect you would do well as a preschool teacher or similar. I let my father’s negative reaction affect my study choices and although it turned out well in the end, I think I needn’t have.
Thanks for taking the time to write a longer post, it was a nice slice of life read.
Thank you! And yes, my coping skills are definitely something I’m proud of, especially when they help me complete a task I find difficult.
My brother is pretty high support needs, he’s always been kind of like that. He’s always preferred shows meant for little kids, Arthur, Thomas the Tank Engine, stuff like that. I have much lower support needs, and I’d say I have reasonable enough interests for my age. I have noticed it as a bit of a pattern though, especially on the internet.
I am the same way, I’m always watching Arthur lol
It is common for someone to be young despite being a physical age (I’m said to be a teenager mentally, but that’s because I’m from Catholic-adjacent family, and I’m diagnosed as Kanner’s).
