Leaving my therapist last session she told me I should look into what a “low demand lifestyle” was. My first thought was “f u, no???” and my second thought was “okay but how do I actually incorporate these things?”
I would be grateful to hear how folks of all support need levels have incorporated this concept into their lives.
In my particular situation I have a huge amount of autonomy in my life so most of my struggles are from self demands. It’s a lot easier for me to act on demands from others (so long as I agree they are good demands, things that make sense or that I don’t really care about but care about the person asking so I can do it without too much resistance).
Cease asking. :) When it gets like that, accept the demand avoidance. It may be a case of finding it easy to do, once no longer asking yourself to do it, or (if you can) even cease seeing it as something that needs to be done. It’s the door that opens with the gentle touch.
It’s not something I’ve mastered yet, by far. Often still getting myself in a tizzy, trying harder, in futility, the harder I try, the greater the demand, the greater the demand avoidance, in annoying feedback loops. But I have experienced this working more than a few times.
It may take more time, more practice, (or maybe I’ll stumble upon a kind of spiritual sublimation at some point) for being able to remember to do this gentle reminder that it’s the door that opens with the gentle touch, and to take the pressure off myself, and that counter-intuitively, if I stop being so demanding of myself, I’ll find it easier to get whatever it is done.
It is subtle, finicky, this counter-intuitive acceptance of avoiding the demand, perhaps most especially when the demands are from ourselves.
Maybe it’s most effective, when accepting the demand avoidance on the demand to overcome the demand avoidance, interrupting the escalating feedback loop of demand.
Thank you! I think that this can really help me. It’s how my husband gets around it when we divvy up chores and I somehow didn’t think I could do this for myself.