Some people fall firmly into one camp or the other. Which do you prefer?
Giving, hate receiving. Have trauma issues around receiving gifts and having strings attached, I can never feel like a gift is just a gift.
I get that, some people think they have to be paid in some way if they give a gift
I used to be like that when I was little. Every had strings attached in that house.
Later in life, I was like present and gifts ARE NO STRINGS ATTACHED. If someone does that they are doing it wrong. And if someone if giving a gift with hidden strings attached, that’s not my problem, “you gave me this a gift, not as an exchange”, they can stop gifting me stuff if they don’t like that haha.
And if you want an exchange, its fine, be clear and we can negociate.
I like giving! I’m lucky to be financially OK, so any small stuff I want I can just buy. I love to plan a gift for someone, think of options then buy it for them. I like to do personalised gifts for people and make them really nice.
Neither. I don’t want more crap and if there is something I want I’ll have already purchased it.
I don’t like giving gifts because I hate trying to figure out what someone likes only to be disappointed that I suck at shopping.
Giving any day. I don’t get along with anybody nerdy enough to give me cool stuff and I frankly never know what to do with all the cute, self made stuff they’ve put all their heart and soul into getting or making for me.
Like, yeah, bud, it’s a really nice sticker magnet with an unforgettable image of that one time we did something amazing together, but… well, I just don’t have that many magentic surfaces in the house and I kinda like the clean aesthetic in the kitchen, you know?
I do have enough friends with kids that I can just make them happy with random crap you can find in a toy store or a videogame, and that’s cute.
Yep I’d rather get a lovingly crafted reel with music or something… I can watch it when I want rather than try to find a place it fits.
I hate stuff. I hate receiving because too much stuff gives me anxiety. That anxiety over stuff makes giving just as difficult.
I prefer spending my time with people. Either by being there for them or helping them. While I generally don’t like receiving help unless I specifically ask, I’ll allow those with good intentions to help. I can put aside any feelings of annoyances because I know they will feel good being able to help do something for someone else.
My closest relationships have been built on simply being available for each other. Gifts have never had the same outcome from my experiences.
Both, but only with my closest friends. And by that I mean people who know me (and I know them) well enough that we know what to gift without wishlists and stuff.
I agree with you here. Most gifts I get just get given away, it’s only my bff that gets me what I genuinely like
When I had lots of money I preferred giving, partially because it made me feel good, but partially because often gifts I received were just not very well thought-out. (“I noticed you have a lot of RPGs, so I got you this new D&D module.” Never mind that the one RPG I don’t have is D&D in any flavour… That sort of thing.)
When I have less money (like now) … I still prefer giving, but only marginally.
There is a saying in French: plaisir d’offrir, joie de recevoir (quite transparent: pleasure, offer, joy, receive)
Both are good but different
A vaguely similar expression exists in Chinese: 投桃报李 (tóu táo bào lǐ or “give a peach in return for a plum”). It suggests that reciprocity is key to gift-giving; that giving is as much part of the joy as is receiving.
Very nice idea! Thanks for sharing and explaining
That’s a beautiful expression
Does “táo bào“ has something to do with the platform (the context being gifting things) ? Or are those completely different words ?
Completely different words.
Breaking down the words:
- 投 tóu: cast, throw
- 桃 táo: peach
- 报 bào: report
- 李 lǐ: plum
This sounds like gibberish because it is. Chinese characters aren’t quite words, but are more like “roots” in English (like “bio” meaning “life”). As such they have broad and shifting meanings. The big two are the first word and the third. The first word literally means “throw” or “cast” (as in fishing line), but has other shades of meaning that imply “giving”. The third word literally means “report” in most uses, but can also mean “repay” or “reciprocate”. Factor into this that word forms and declensions just aren’t a thing in Chinese, and this particular expression stems from the Book of Songs which is written in the very, very, very terse language of Classical Chinese and …
… well translation is shifty and difficult.
Another way to translate this (with implied meanings in [brackets]) could be: “toss [someone a] peach [and he will] reciprocate [with a] plum”.
Or, you know, give a peach in return for a plum. (And my brain screwed up above which I will correct: I flipped plum and peach for some reason.)
As for the other part of your question, the characters for the online purchasing platform are: 淘宝. Breaking that down:
- 淘 táo: wash, cleanse, sift, eliminate
- 宝 bǎo: treasure, jewel
That first one is MOSTLY used to talk about sifting (such that 淘金 means “sift gold” or more idiomatically “pan for gold”). So the literal translation of that name is “sift treasure” or, more idiomatically, “treasure hunt”.
Insert the “the more you know” meme right here. 😆
Wow ! Thanks for the detailed explanation ! It’s always nice to learn about foreign languages
Receiving since I’m bad at gift giving.
Giving.
Well, though one could say I technically like receiving more (who doesn’t), if I had to choose, I’d rather give than receive, because I’m not “sucked in” to my own feelings, if that makes sense. It should be noted that I am diagnosed anhedonic and this is cited here as sometimes it’s hard to “feel” something I receive. Compared to someone else getting something because of me and me being able to think “I did it” as they express joy. If only people didn’t consider me selfish because this translates to them as a “flex” mindset.
Receiving LOL It rarely happens so…
I like giving tho, people usually like my presents
deleted by creator
Giving. It’s not that I particular like doing so, since I don’t have too many ppl I could give stuff to… It’s more that I really don’t desire any gifts. Up until this point in life I basically had to move every 1-2 years. Receiving something I don’t like/want means that I’ll have to throw or donate it away so… And the things I actually want are all several hundred dollars and above, since I have gotten basically everything I want that is below that price point
Definitely giving. I like making my people happy.
When I get a gift, there’s always the knowledge that they want to make me happy, which kicks in my lingering urge to let them know I’m happy, which then makes me feel performative, even though I’m being genuine most of the time. That makes it difficult to actually be in the moment, which makes my expressions less genuine, which creates this feedback loop where I feel increasingly fake even though I’m actually really happy.
Seriously, as chaotic as that paragraph is, it feels more chaotic. I got over being a people pleaser a long time ago, except for people I care about. Like, if I’m at work and get a box of chocolates, ima say thank you, with a smile, and not care if whoever it was felt it to be genuine.
But when I care, then I want them to share that happiness loop with me. I want them to have that urge for the gift to make me happy succeed because they did make me happy, even if the gift itself was utter shit. It feels so good that someone cared enough to get me anything that they weren’t obligated to (which is why work gifts are different usually). But I’m picking up all that eagerness they have for the gift to be a good gift that brings joy, and I want to fulfill that. That wanting, that attachment to their happiness is a difficult to resolve paradox for me.
If I don’t feel attached to their happiness, it would be easier to just live in the moment and share my happiness. But that very attachment is part of why I’m happy, because their happiness is vital to my own.
I’m fairly confident that this paradox will never be resolved at this point. Fifty years, and I’ve yet to manage separating things out so that I can just enjoy the moment exactly as it is when gifts are given to me. Kinda dubious it’ll resolve in the future lol.
Then again, I did resolve the other end of things, where I don’t feel any dissonance if my gift to another doesn’t work out. So maybe?
But, I think you can see why that dichotomy of preference exists.
