Closeted transfem person here who’s Closeted because I want to become independent and get my own stable place to live before I come out.
I just had a few questions and wanted to ask them in one post instead of multiple posts
- Closeted transfem women pre physical transition who are also lesbian, for those of you that do feel this how do you deal with that wierdness that you feel when calling yourself lesbian and identifying as lesbian even though you look down and see a male body?
- To Transfem women with autism, I’m also on the spectrum. Is there anything I should know?
- Closeted Transfem women still living with parents, how do I secretly be feminine without my parents finding out
- Transfem women who moved out of their hometown to a more progressive city, What steps did you take? I currently don’t like my hometown because of its voting demographics favouring the political party equivalent here in Australia that mirrors right wingers & terrible people from america and my local crime watch group on Facebook which has a large amount of my hometowns population in it has a percentage of awful members in it
- Closeted transfem women who can’t go to see therapists due to living with parents, how do you self manage your mental health and self therapy yourself
- I don’t really remember how I dealt with it other than I didn’t feel like I’d earned it yet so I din’t really actively use it
- just be friendly autistic at other girls, this is what we call rizmatism. You’ll be good
- I had a pouch with feminine accessories like jewelry I’d take on and off, but honestly they won’t notice most of what you’re worried about (change blindness and other factors)
- n/a
- marijuana
Being out is so much better though ✌️ I wish you well on your journey
From one neurodivergent woman to another, be aware that ableism exists everywhere. Finding other neuroqueer people was the first time in my life I really felt like I belonged somewhere.
I’m also a lesbian. It did take me a long time to come around to that though. Had less to do with my body and more with my confusion surrounding the way men affirming me made me feel. Straight men finding me desirable validated my identity. I confused the euphoria of that validation with attraction. I transitioned almost a decade ago and do not see a male body though, so not exactly what I think you’re referring to.
-i dont feel any weirdness calling myself a lesbian, trans women are women after all. this stigma fades after enough time to let it become normal
-im not diagnosed but pretty sure lol, not a position id give advice from though
-assuming your parents arent helicopter patents and invading your privacy, feminine undergarments are good outlets for this. i used to wear cheap sports bras (the ones with no padding, just the fabric/elastic) under my shirt. compression underwear (gaffe) or just womens underwear in general are nice too
shaving your body is a good way as well, and if you are allowed to grow out your hair then styling that in some way (even if its just a ponytail or bun) is nice
-still in my hometown
-couldnt see a therapist not because of my parents (money and priorities) for a long time, but i dealt with my mental health struggles through online gaming and friend groups. sorta brute forcing myself to be confident, and keeping in mind that it gets better. therapy helps though, even if slowly with how good i am at masking
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I can really only answer the first two or three as I was already on my own when I was out/transitioned.
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There’s a lot of internalized transphobia that definitely makes this really challenging early on. I had a buddy who’s dad loved to say shit like “I’m a teenage lesbian trapped in a man’s body” and it always felt super icky. I definitely feel that ick waning as I transition, but there are still those “man pretending to be a woman” brainworms that bug me from time to time.
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I feel like at least half the trans people I know are on the spectrum, so you’ll fit right in lol.
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I can at least give a bit of insight on this one, as I unfortunately hid things, just not from my parents.
Undergarments and women’s cut clothes are really nice and not necessarily noticeable to those around you. It’s subtle, but the difference between a women’s and men’s tee makes a significant difference for how I see myself, but others are unlikely to notice.
Growing your hair out is another possible option and did wonders for my mental health, while simply using the excuse of wanting to try something new or even just being too lazy/busy to get it cut.
Getting my ears pierced was another small thing that’s pretty common with men too nowadays. Even clip-on earrings are an option if you want to go really incognito.
Tinted chapstick and similar “not-makeup” cosmetics are again, subtle, but they are small things that add up without being too overt.
“Feminizing workouts” sound ridiculous, but they can legit give you great hips/butt without hormones. Again, not anything super overt, but I guarantee you’ll notice before anyone else does.
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Transfem NB, almost certainly autistic, but not diagnosed.
On point 3: I don’t live with my parents but sometimes people can be really oblivious. There is generally a tendency by people to weight male traits as higher priority when gendering people than female traits. Also people don’t generally notice small changes at a time.
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