I’ll go firstt:

1: Regularly thinking that girls got all the cute clothes
2: Buying female clothes (skirt and some underwear) for “cross dressing”
3: Feeling physical pain when having to put off bought female clothes to go outside
4: Imagining yourself as the women in porn (that’s why I at first though I was “just gay”)
5: Being sad when thinking about trans people and realising I couldn’t transition because I’m not trans
6: Absolutely suppressing every form of thought when thinking about “the trans topic” (in a way that sometimes I reflected myself and thought that I may be trans, but I 100% suppressed those thoughts knowing damn well, that this wasn’t that much of a good strategy. This also included the thought “acts trans, looks trans, probably is trans”, that crossed my mind after taking LSD for the first time)
7: Dissociating kinda regularly. Happened usually when reading fantasy books. Didnt realise it was dissociation until like 3 weeks ago

Probably missed some stuff but those are the most significant ones. Quite a lot of stuff are signs that appears around the last year or so.

  • katja@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    12·
    3 days ago

    I was Narnia deep in denial, but the signs were there.

    1. I knew I liked guys since I was like five, and even experimented with sex with boys at that age, but it didn’t feel quite right. I do not like gay porn so I can’t be gay, right? Better get a couple kids and a couple wives.
    2. My cousin wanted to put makeup on me and god I wanted that. Didn’t dare to say yes.
    3. Jokes about wanting to wear dresses because they aren’t as restricting as pants and nicer when it’s warm. A lot of similar jokes, you know the ones. “Trying to lose a bit of weight, it’s soon bikini season.”
    4. I think I remember every trans reference I’ve ever heard.
    5. When being depressed I constructed elaborate fantasies about myself as a woman.
    6. Bad mental health
    Tap for spoiler

    I was on suicide watch and during a breakdown blurting out “I’m living a lie” and blam, the mental wall came down. Not an allowed train of thought. Fifteen years later, I finally got it.

    1. Always hating how I looked in the mirror. I recently realized I look kinda hot as a guy. Skinny, androgynous and a nice smile. I’d totally let me do me. Is that weird?
    2. NSFW
    Tap for spoiler

    Cutting off the penis of a male doll. My mum did not react well to that incident. Probably thought I had serial murderer tendencies or something.

    There were other signs too of course.