So ever since I was a child, my family has always found the need to coddle me. When I was younger it was fine, but it’s really had an impact on me now. For example, my mom insisted that I needed a single dorm in college because I “need my downtime.” And her sister for whatever reason, went out of her way to make a private room for me when we visit her house because I apparently “need it.” My mom always labels it as “my room” because it’s “my own space.” Her and her sister share a room. I appreciate the gesture but I really feel embarrassed by always being labeled as “special.” The coddling is the same when we’re out in public. At my cousin’s graduation, we went to a restaurant and there was a food I have a hard time eating. I really wanted to eat it though because I love it, but really struggled in doing so. My aunt noticed and said in a baby voice, “You don’t have to eat all of that.” And that text she sent me in that picture was completely unreasonable. To be clear, I appreciate what she wanted to do for me, but this guy she set me up with is not at all my type. First of all, he is way older than me (I’m 19 and he’s 24), him and I are complete opposites and have nothing in common, and my aunt wanted me to either date him or talk to him constantly. He lives three hours away from me, and him and I are so different. And the college accommodations are just embarrassing. All having a single dorm has done for me is made it harder to interact with people. I’m in it often, and find it hard to have the bravery to get out. My mom says that I need to get out more and talk to people if I want friends, but it’s not so easy for me, as I can only do well in life if I have social stories and prepare myself beforehand. Plus I do have friends on campus that get me and are amazing. The single dorm also makes it hard for me to travel with other people since I am not used to sharing a room. I appreciate the single room but it’s so embarrassing being labeled all the time. As a kid, I was in special education, so I was always labeled as a “special ed kid” by everyone. My parents insist I need to go to the resource center and get accommodations 24/7 in college, but that is just not the case. I have a good GPA, not a 4.0 like my sister but good. I’ve tried to share how I feel, but everyone just tells me to be grateful that I am coddled, and that they are just proud of me and care about me, I understand my family loves me, but I wish they would stop coddling me so much. All it’s done is get me behind in life, as they push me to do adult skills like book and go to my own doctors appointments and make phone calls, yet when it comes to things I know how to do I’m coddled 24/7. Has anyone else experienced this? I apologize for sounding rude, I do love my family very much, but would prefer to be coddled when I need it rather than when I don’t.

  • Hacksaw@lemmy.ca
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    22 hours ago

    but would prefer to be coddled when I need it rather than when I don’t.

    I think this line is your problem. I suspect your family has been very caring and attentive your whole life. They figured out what you need to be at your best, to not be overwhelmed, and to have a chance to go somewhere you can recharge when you’re out of energy. And they made it their job to provide you that set of needs so you can always be at your best.

    Reading your post, I can’t honestly think your life would have been better in shared res accommodations. It sounds like you need your own personal space.

    I don’t think they have any hope of knowing “when you need to be coddled” unless you communicate that clearly on a case by case basis. But I would take some time to think about each case seriously because it sounds like you don’t think you need a private room when your post makes it pretty clear you’d rather have your own space and choose to socialise with people you like when you want. In a shared room with bunks you are forced into social situations 24/7 with strangers or people you don’t like with no escape.

    So yeah, take some time to think about the pros and cons, then once you make a choice communicate it clearly to your family. “I am an adult now. In restaurants I’m confident I can handle every aspect of the interaction from ordering to eating etc… Please don’t help me, even if you think I’m having a hard time in a restaurant setting. It’s important to me that I be independent in this setting. I know you’re doing it because you love me and want to help me, and I appreciate that. I’m asking for this because when I’m treated like that in public it makes me feel like a small child and it’s very disempowering. I still appreciate that you help me in other ways, I would still like that help if you’re still willing to offer it. As I feel I’m able to take more things on myself, I will continue letting you know like this”

    As for your aunt, we all have that aunt. You just have to say no as many times as it takes lol and she won’t like it.