If I want to share with you, I will. Usually this will happen naturally if we’ve worked together for a while and I like you. I’ll start mentioning some of my interests, and depending on how you respond I’ll mention other interests or experiences.
I have been invited to events like this before, and I have managed to avoid them through rescheduling calls with vendors so I have an excuse not to attend, coming up with critical things that could not wait so I’d be able to skip, and by just flat-out taking a sick day. I do not want to be forced to share my personal life with my coworkers.
If you make me share in front of a group, I will spend the entire allotted time talking about something incredibly trivial that applies to everyone.
For an example of how this works when I can’t avoid it, my manager recently started asking how we’re all feeling on a scale of 1-10 during some team meetings. If you give a low response, he’ll start quizzing you in front of the entire team as to why you’re not feeling better. If you answer too high, he’ll ask about why you’re feeling so happy. My response in all of the meetings has been 8, no matter how I’m feeling, because that’s average and there’s no follow up. It’s none of his business how I’m feeling; if I want to share with him and the others, I will choose to do that on my own and not in a group situation.
I am friendly with my coworkers, but I am not friends with them (with a couple exceptions for people I’ve been working with for almost a decade, and even then they’re not in my inner circle).
What does he do with that information? Is it just idle chit chat that has no effect on the team, or does he try to improve/resolve work situations that come up in discussion when you’re feeling low and help celebrate successes and reinforce positive patterns when you’re feeling high?
I have no idea what he’s doing with it. He’s certainly not improving or resolving work situations with it. We suspect he’s trying to build a paper trail so he can punish people who don’t agree with him.
Whatever his intention, it’s resulted in most of the team quietly agreeing to bypass him in favor of going to his boss if there are urgent or important concerns that arise.
If I want to share with you, I will. Usually this will happen naturally if we’ve worked together for a while and I like you. I’ll start mentioning some of my interests, and depending on how you respond I’ll mention other interests or experiences.
I have been invited to events like this before, and I have managed to avoid them through rescheduling calls with vendors so I have an excuse not to attend, coming up with critical things that could not wait so I’d be able to skip, and by just flat-out taking a sick day. I do not want to be forced to share my personal life with my coworkers.
If you make me share in front of a group, I will spend the entire allotted time talking about something incredibly trivial that applies to everyone.
For an example of how this works when I can’t avoid it, my manager recently started asking how we’re all feeling on a scale of 1-10 during some team meetings. If you give a low response, he’ll start quizzing you in front of the entire team as to why you’re not feeling better. If you answer too high, he’ll ask about why you’re feeling so happy. My response in all of the meetings has been 8, no matter how I’m feeling, because that’s average and there’s no follow up. It’s none of his business how I’m feeling; if I want to share with him and the others, I will choose to do that on my own and not in a group situation.
I am friendly with my coworkers, but I am not friends with them (with a couple exceptions for people I’ve been working with for almost a decade, and even then they’re not in my inner circle).
What does he do with that information? Is it just idle chit chat that has no effect on the team, or does he try to improve/resolve work situations that come up in discussion when you’re feeling low and help celebrate successes and reinforce positive patterns when you’re feeling high?
I have no idea what he’s doing with it. He’s certainly not improving or resolving work situations with it. We suspect he’s trying to build a paper trail so he can punish people who don’t agree with him.
Whatever his intention, it’s resulted in most of the team quietly agreeing to bypass him in favor of going to his boss if there are urgent or important concerns that arise.