I moved to Mumbai in 2021 for university. I earned my bachelor’s degree this year and am now pursuing my master’s. My parents rent an apartment for me here and also give me a monthly allowance. I’ve told them I can get a job so I wouldn’t be a burden, but they refuse to let me work, whether part-time or full-time, saying I should focus entirely on my studies. In the summer of 2024, I met a much older man and we started dating. I moved into his house in December. Here’s the issue: my parents are still paying for the apartment and sending me money each month. I haven’t spent any of it since I started dating this man and have been saving it so I can eventually give it back to them. But if I tell them to stop sending money and paying rent, they’ll know something’s up, and I don’t want to tell them about my relationship because I know they’ll react badly. At the same time, I feel guilty because my parents aren’t wealthy enough for that money to be pocket change.
Uncomfortable news is not like wine. It doesn’t get better with age. Tell them sooner rather than later. If nothing else, it’ll give you more time to work on whatever needs to be worked on afterwards.
Save it for a while in case you ever need to leave your boyfriend suddenly. Or there’s an emergency. They’re paying you so you don’t need to work. Once you’re working, give it back and come clean then. If you aren’t working, you really don’t want to get rid of safety money.
imho you should just rip off the bandaid.
The longer you wait, the more chance for them to find out accidentally.
If you go in and face them you control the narrative.
Where are your parents from? Are they open-minded?
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Super cool of your parents to support you like that, not cool of them to control you, most parents like this miss the memo that kids need to actually start making decisions for themselves.
By sunk cost fallacy, I assume you mean about the money. Giving them all the money back at once is an interesting idea, how would you feel if a child of yours did that? How would you feel if they were up front about their new situation?
You know your parents and your situation better than any of us, use empathy and put yourself in their shoes and make the best decision you can.
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That’s pretty concerning, my mother went through a similar relationship early in her life, he was older than my grandparents.
You do you, but anecdotally, for her, the relationship may have started out okay, but they were never equal. He treated her like a daughter that he fucked every once in a while. Power dynamics in relationships are extra screwy when the age gap is more than 20 years. Our holiday dinners at home were always very awkward.
Their relationship lasted about 20 years, imo it should never have started in the first place. She remarried afterwards to someone her age and finally found some companionship instead of stewardship, that relationship lasted much longer
The obvious feedback is be honest and tell them, but then again Indian parents are a different deal. My friend is now married to an Indian girl, and they lied about their relationship for about a year. She was “hanging out with friends” pretty much every weekend. She was “looking forward to sharing a bed after the wedding”. And it worked out for them, she didn’t get her relationship meddled in and they’re none the wiser.
What is it that will make your parents happy? It sounds like nothing that you want will make them happy, so at some point you either need to do what they want and be miserable or do what fulfills you and let them handle their own misery. Secrets are not sustainable.
Caveat that most of the advice you’re going to get on here, including mine, will be from western countries.
On a different note. I think working, next to your studies, is a very valuable skill. Doesn’t matter if it’s “just” bartending or as a storeclerk. It gives you work experience and work ethic. Many new graduates don’t have either of those.
