If someone hangs their eyelids at me and asks if they’ve done something wrong, that’s an immediate flag for passive-aggression, and my heart has learned to be cold to that kind of manipulation.
I’ve been manipulated by people who do it on purpose, and it really screws with one’s threat response. (Especially if the manipulation occurred during formative years.)
I have to make an intentional effort to coach myself through these situations to have an appropriate level of empathy. It’s really fucking hard not to sound like an asshole sometimes - and really easy for others to misunderstand me because they don’t have the same frame of reference.
Oh I know, I was talking about my own mental/emotional handicaps. I am immune to puppy-dog eyes and self-deprecating statements, I have just seen it misused too much growing up
I also have the tendency to ask for forgiveness or asking if i did something wrong (but without puppy eyes i hope); it comes from a place of always questioning myself and very low self esteem. I just want to let you know for people like me (i’ve got a personality disorder) or Ronnie it’s not about manipulation, it’s about missing this basic trust in my surroundings and in the stability of relationships that most people have. I actually really want to know if i fucked up so i can do better; just keep in in the back of your mind before you are too cold to someone who doesn’t deserve it.
I will try to keep an open heart. Fwiw I used to have the same low self esteem, and still do needlessly stick my neck out to be chopped by others in moments where I don’t believe in myself and want to prove my fealty to others through peity…
I can only say this after decades of experience: don’t put yourself down, even jokingly, in front of others. You may think that you’re telegraphing humility or a lack of arrogance, but all you’re actually doing is showing others how to treat you. Don’t do it.
That’s easier said than done - the low self esteem and the fear of rejection is an integral part of my personality (AvPD is a bitch), but since the same fear of rejection causes me to just break off relationships, i rarely encounter those situations nowadays.
Oh wow, I wish I saw this wikipedia article a few years ago. This was (is still partially) me to a Tee!
All I can say is: get your heart broken, be laughed at, endure ridicule, and come out the otherside a broken, jaded, dejected better and stronger person :-)
Oof, heartwrenching story but I couldnt do it.
If someone hangs their eyelids at me and asks if they’ve done something wrong, that’s an immediate flag for passive-aggression, and my heart has learned to be cold to that kind of manipulation.
I’m amazed they made it work
I’ve been manipulated by people who do it on purpose, and it really screws with one’s threat response. (Especially if the manipulation occurred during formative years.)
I have to make an intentional effort to coach myself through these situations to have an appropriate level of empathy. It’s really fucking hard not to sound like an asshole sometimes - and really easy for others to misunderstand me because they don’t have the same frame of reference.
Dude. The guy had autism. He was not manipulating them with that statement
Oh I know, I was talking about my own mental/emotional handicaps. I am immune to puppy-dog eyes and self-deprecating statements, I have just seen it misused too much growing up
I also have the tendency to ask for forgiveness or asking if i did something wrong (but without puppy eyes i hope); it comes from a place of always questioning myself and very low self esteem. I just want to let you know for people like me (i’ve got a personality disorder) or Ronnie it’s not about manipulation, it’s about missing this basic trust in my surroundings and in the stability of relationships that most people have. I actually really want to know if i fucked up so i can do better; just keep in in the back of your mind before you are too cold to someone who doesn’t deserve it.
I will try to keep an open heart. Fwiw I used to have the same low self esteem, and still do needlessly stick my neck out to be chopped by others in moments where I don’t believe in myself and want to prove my fealty to others through peity…
I can only say this after decades of experience: don’t put yourself down, even jokingly, in front of others. You may think that you’re telegraphing humility or a lack of arrogance, but all you’re actually doing is showing others how to treat you. Don’t do it.
Sorry for the preachy comment
That’s easier said than done - the low self esteem and the fear of rejection is an integral part of my personality (AvPD is a bitch), but since the same fear of rejection causes me to just break off relationships, i rarely encounter those situations nowadays.
I wish you happy holidays!
Oh wow, I wish I saw this wikipedia article a few years ago. This was (is still partially) me to a Tee!
All I can say is: get your heart broken, be laughed at, endure ridicule, and come out the otherside a
broken, jaded, dejectedbetter and stronger person :-)Happy holidays to you too fellow AvPDer!